Mama's Alright

How to Make a Pookie

2012-02-05T21:50:00.002-06:00

You may recall that last Super Bowl Sunday, I made a pake. Well, this year, we took on the pookie. That's a pie inside a cookie.

As with the pake, the idea came from CakeSpy, only this year I actually had a bonafide recipe to follow, thanks to the CakeSpy cookbook!

How does one make such an amazing treat? Well, you start by making cookie dough. In this case, it was butterscotch chip cookie dough, which I had never made before, but will probably make again, because YUM.

Then you take this dough and you smush it down into a pie tin...sort of like you're making a crust...even though the pie already has a crust.

I should have mentioned that before I could put the cookie dough in the pie tin, I had to take the pie out of it. It was a frozen apple pie that I par-baked, so it wouldn't be frozen when it went into the pookie.

And now it's time for it to go back into the pie tin, on top of the cookie dough.

Ok, so if I were to make this pookie again, I'd try a pie tin that was larger than the pie. Using the pie tin that came with the pie resulted in a gap between the edge of the cookie dough crust and the top of the pie, so I had to fill it in with dough, as you see here.

Once I was done making what was essentially the walls of the pookie, I covered the whole top of that pretty little pie with dough.

See, it's a giant cookie!

Ok, so then the baking. 400 degrees for 45-50 minutes...I think I must have used too much dough because we had a bit of a breakdown while in the oven. (This scene caused my husband to begin calling it the "pukey.")

But no one who attempts to put a pie inside another dessert could be scared off by a little mid-bake disfiguration, right? Right. So we stayed strong and waited until that dough was golden brown on the edges and...

TA-DA!

It's a pookie!

We served it with vanilla ice cream and it was a hit. Seriously good. If you could figure out how to make it less ugly, you could serve this thing in a restaurant. The butterscotch and apple were perfect together. Yummy, yum, yum.

Oh, and we watched some football, too. But the pookie was the show stealer for sure. Yay pookie!

This summer, maybe we'll attempt some sort of sugar cookie/blueberry pie bonanza. And next Super Bowl? Well, it's time to start researching other things we can fit a pie inside.

Notes from a Sunday

2012-01-22T17:25:00.000-06:00

Today I started the Skinnygirl Cleanse. I want to lose weight, plus I think Bethenny Frankel is hilarious and skinny, so I figured it couldn't hurt. Also today, I made ribs in the Crockpot and two different pasta salads to eat for lunch this week. I'm now considering making a cake...is this a psychological rebellion to the cleanse?

Maybe it's stress. I brought home a lot of work this weekend (something I only do when I HAVE to), but the thing about this work is that it doesn't make any sense to me. I thought that if I had quiet time to sit and look at it, it would magically make sense. But it doesn't. So I gave up. I'm feeling defeated, but I'm trying to convince myself that I am surely a smart enough person that if I've spent this much time trying to figure it out and it still doesn't make sense, then I'm clearly missing a piece of the puzzle. I mean, it's not like I work in astrophysics - this is marketing. I'm probably not stupid. Probably.

So yeah, I'll let you know how these things turn out. Both the cleanse and the stupid thing. One of them is bound to go in my favor...right?

How secure is your tupperware?

2012-01-19T19:24:00.000-06:00

Well, hello there. It's been awhile...how are those New Year's resolutions holding up?

Me, I didn't make any. I surely did not resolve to blog more often, so, you know...we're good there.

I did have a rush of inspiration the other night during which I thought I would make this blog into a "Thought of the Day" thing because it would possibly motivate me to post more often...because I have many thoughts in any given day and surely at least one of them would be worthy of sharing. Clearly I did not then run to my blog and blog...sigh.

I also considered just abandoning ship. Just never coming back to ever blog in 2012. But that would be a little sad I think. I mean, even if I've lost all but three followers on this thing, it still means something to me.

Yeah, so here I am rambling. I'd like to promise you a thought every day. I'd like to.

Instead, what I can deliver to you today is this:

I had a dream maybe a week ago that's really stuck with me because it seems like such a clear message of some sort. I was in a hurry and walking through all different sorts of scenarios...some work-related, some social, but the whole time I was carrying this tupperware container and the lid was too small. I kept looking at it and trying to figure out how to make the lid fit, but I couldn't, and so I had to keep balancing this container (of soup?) and trying not to spill it.

The dream ended with me crouched on a skateboard, riding down a tall a parking ramp at high speeds, still holding the tupperware. Every surface had a Facebook status on it, as if you could now post status updates on every physical surface in the world somehow. I was going really, really fast on that skateboard and then I crashed. And I woke up.

So, you know...may your lids all fit your containers, or something.

Hold onto Nothing

2011-12-31T15:04:00.000-06:00

And Greg he writes letters
And burns his CDs
They say you were something in those formative years
Hold onto nothing
As fast as you can
Well still pretty good year

If you don't know that song, you must go listen at once. It's the song that plays on a loop in my brain every New Year's.

And I think 2011 was a pretty good year. When I think back to what I've been doing these past 12 months, it doesn't really seem monumental, just...good.

Let's see...

I ran a 5K, which was pretty amazing.

I went back to Vegas (twice), which is an important part of every year.

I got a new job, which was a big change.

I made a pake, which was fun.

I drove the Pacific Coast Highway with my family, which was awesome.

I guess, most importantly, I got to see nearly all of my friends at some point this year (which is a bigger feat for some than others). We're all pretty healthy. We have a nice house to live in and good food to eat.

Yep, pretty good year.

Narrowly Averting Salmonella and Other Things

2011-12-30T13:32:00.001-06:00

My home vacation turned into a semi-real vacation this week. We made a quick little jaunt down to Chicago. It was actually far too quick; just drive down one day, stay one full day, drive back the next. Still, it was fun.

The highlight was the trip to the Museum of Science & Industry. This is one of the only museums that holds a special place in my heart, thanks to annual trips back when I was young and my grandparents lived in Chicago. It's still very much the same as it was then...they seem to just add things on rather than take things away.

Our trip happened to coincide with the Dr. Seuss exhibit. The exhibit would have actually made more sense in an art museum, seeing as it centered on his life and work as an artist and writer, but I am not one to argue with any exhibit featuring Dr. Seuss. (Plus, I think maybe the blatant advertising for Seuss Landing at Universal Studios Orlando might have been the "industry" part.) It's always fun to get a look into the life of someone who found success doing something they would have been compelled to do even if no one had paid them. Very inspiring.

A lowlight of the trip was our attempt to eat at Frontera Grill. Due to the uncharacteristically haphazard way in which this trip was thrown together, I missed my chance to make reservations (they take a few, but mostly it's all first-come, first-served), so I figured we'd go early and chance it. Seeing as it was a Wednesday night, I figured we had a shot. I was wrong, of course. People must line up before they open just for a chance to eat that amazing ceviche...we got there 45 minutes after they opened and there was a 2 1/2 hour wait for a table. Sigh. (I would have considered waiting had there been room in the bar, but no.)

Seeing as we'd just paraded the boys a mile through downtown on foot to get there, we had to find another place to eat. This brought us to Maggiano's. I usually avoid chains when on vacation if possible, but seeing as we no longer have Maggiano's here in Minneapolis, I figured it was sort of like eating somewhere we couldn't eat at home. Most importantly, I knew the kids would eat it.

We got seated within 10 minutes at a half-moon booth (my favorite). There was a piano player regaling us with Piano Man and Rocket Man right in a row. And I was feeling proud of myself for ordering the chicken marsala rather than my beloved fettuccine alfredo, which is so damn good that I usually try to convince myself that this time those 3 pounds of butter and cream won't make me sick (I am almost always wrong). All was well.

And then the food came.

Everyone else's was fine, but when I cut into my chicken, it was shiny and pink. I kept my vomit inside and alerted the waitress, who gave me a look that said "Not again!" She also immediately said she'd send the manager over. The manager didn't show, but I did get a new plate of chicken. I sawed off a corner, inspected it's opaqueness, and began eating. I was three bites in when I decided to cut into the center again (I don't know why I didn't do this first, I think I was just hungry)...this time it wasn't just pink, but there was a lovely blood vessel in it. Yummy.

I flagged the waitress down again, showed her the meat, and said, "Now I'm too worried to eat any chicken," to which she replied, "I'm worried for you." Well, great.

In the end, I didn't eat, but I also didn't vomit. Plus, I got free wine for my troubles. No, I won't ever eat there again, but hey, at least no one was killed...namely, me.

And after all that excitement, it was time for bed and then up in the morning to drive home. So yeah, I've had better trips to Chicago. But, it was nice to have some uninterrupted time with all four of us. I think we'll go back in the summer. And I'll make all the proper reservations...in fact, maybe I should start planning now.

All I Want for Christmas

2011-12-23T14:55:00.002-06:00

I am on home vacation. Home vacation is when you're off work for an extended period, but you aren't going on a trip. It's still a fairly new concept for me. One of the perks of my new job is that they're closed the last week of the year (with pay!), plus they gave me vacation hours that I needed to use by the end of the year, so I've been off since yesterday and don't have to go back until Jan. 3!

It's really fun to wake up and not go to work on a workday, but I definitely have the nagging feeling that all of this time off would be better spent on a beach...or in New York...or Las Vegas...or, well, anywhere involving an airplane. I'm not entirely sure that I actually want to be gone. I think I just might not want to have to cook or clean...is it possible that my entire travel obsession can be boiled down to that desire? Hmmm...something to think about.

So, yeah, it's almost Christmas. I have to admit that even though I love being the parent in the Christmas equation, I do sometimes miss the days when I could just list off things I wanted and have a reasonably good chance of receiving them. Actually, all I want this year is a scraper paddle for my mixer. And a trip to Las Vegas. And a dog that will snuggle me and won't make me (or Aidan) sneeze. And peace and love. But mostly that scraper paddle...

Time and Pie

2011-12-19T21:57:00.000-06:00

I don't know where the time goes. The weeks have just been rushing past me and suddenly it's always Monday again.

I've been at my job for 8 weeks. I'm starting to get the hang of it, although I never feel like I'm learning fast enough. I have yet to feel particularly smart in this job, which is both humbling and exhausting, but everyone I work with has been helpful and supportive and genuinely nice and that makes it easier. Plus, I'm learning stuff, which is always good.

Other things happening in my world lately include Owen going to see his new therapist every week. She is wonderful and Owen likes her a lot and I am hopeful that she will be able to get through to that place in his brain that sends him into a panic every time the unexpected happens. I am also hopeful that it will become clear whether or not public school is a hospitable place for him. Obviously at the moment it feels like it's not, but I know how important it is to try to help him learn to cope in the neurotypical world, so I'm fighting my instinct to pull him out of there and run to an underground bunker where no one will ever make him feel bad again...so yes, I'm trying to stay rational in the face of one of my worst fears (that the public school system will crush his soul). I make no promises as to how long this will last, but we're trying it for now.

Also on my mind: vacations. All I want to do is plan vacations, which I suppose isn't new, but it's more intense lately. I have zero plane tickets booked at the moment, which is actually a little unusual given my travel compulsion. However, we're planning to take an "educational" trip to Mexico in March (so Aidan can practice his Spanish, of course), so I've been obsessively reading hotel reviews and checking airfares, even though I swore I wouldn't book anything until 2012. There's also a Vegas vacation on the horizon...I'm trying to wait it out for pool season, but I can't actually give you a good reason for that since laying in the sun gives you cancer and takes precious time away from the slot machines...although I do think sipping cocktails by the pool is good for the soul.

And finally, Christmas is on my mind, of course. I love Christmas - it's almost the only thing I like about winter. We're spoiling the boys, as always, although I suppose it's all relative: Aidan put 5 VACATIONS on his Christmas list and he's not getting any of those...at least not for Christmas. But hmmmmm...I wonder if every vacation we take for the rest of his life could just be positioned as an early Christmas present...something to think about. (P.S. Why didn't I ever think to ask for vacations for Christmas?)

And with that, I leave you with this quintessential Christmas image. I think it conveys the spirit of the season...

Stuff your face.

(P.P.S. Baker's Square, if you ever want to hire me to preach the virtues of Candy Cane Pie, I am totally available.)

Thy Leaves are So Unchanging

2011-11-27T08:53:00.001-06:00

Sha-baam! It's Christmas time!

We put up the tree last night. It was very spontaneous in the way that it can be when you're simply taking the tree out of a box. But Owen introduced what I believe might be the greatest new tree trimming tradition EVER:

After the all the decorations were hung and the lights were glowing, he requested that we stand before the tree, join hands, take "tree" pose (yoga) and sing "O Christmas Tree." It turns out none of us know anything after the first two lines. Ah, that was definitely the best laugh I've had in a long time.

Since we're now working backwards in time, I'll mention that I dipped my toe in the Black Friday craziness. (I also partook in Small Business Saturday, which I think is a very good idea.) No midnight shopping sprees, but I did make a stop at Old Navy early that morning because $10 jeans are too good to resist (especially when your children are already outgrowing their back-to-school jeans). We hit Target later in the day just for regular shopping and were still able to get a few of the good deals, which means that a lot of the waiting in line in the middle of the night shenanigans were probably unnecessary for many people, but hey, who am I to tell you how to get into the Christmas spirit?

And yes, before all that was Thanksgiving. It was lovely and low key. We hosted our traditional pumpkin pancake brunch (which was on hiatus last year while we were in NYC), which was very nice despite the absence of a few key family members. Then we saw The Muppets, which was wonderful.

Please, please go see The Muppets. I need it to do well so that the Muppets can once again be part of our everyday culture - and not just in a nostalgic way. I was skeptical, of course, after the cinematic atrocities committed since Jim Henson's death, but this movie is really sweet. The human stars were unnecessary, but they didn't detract from what is a really great film. I mean, really. Don't we all want to live in a world where Muppets can still be gainfully employed?

So yes, pumpkin pancakes, Muppets, shopping, Christmas tree, and tree pose. A lovely, lovely holiday weekend indeed.

Falling is Like This

2011-11-13T14:59:00.000-06:00

Oh, fall. You are so cozy and inviting and yet simultaneously foreboding due to the promise of a cold, dark winter that follows you.

I'm trying to enjoy fall and all the squash-inspired treats it provides. However, I'm also mentally preparing to throw myself into the Christmas spirit because that's the only part of winter that I really enjoy. I figure Christmas carols and peppermint mochas can carry me through the first 4 weeks of winter (not winter according to the calendar, but according to the weather) and then there's a small grace period post-Christmas where the snow is still sparkly and fresh and cuddling up next to the fire is delightful...

Then we descend into the depths of Minnesota winter when the sun vanishes and it actually hurts to go outside. That's when it's time for vacation. This winter promises a family beach vacation. My mom often helps subsidize educational travel for the boys, so I'm trying to justify Mexico as educational since Aidan has started taking Spanish afterschool. That's kinda legit, right? I mean, maybe the trip will inspire him to continue his studies...or at least he'll learn how to order virgin pina coladas.

I don't think we'll be able to take this trip until March, but I figure knowing it's coming will make January and February slightly easier to tolerate. Slightly.

All this impending winter gloom is not being helped by the continuing saga of Owen vs. 3rd grade. When we last left our hero, he had recovered from the school suspension and all the adults had sworn to figure this thing out. Flash forward to last Friday when our hero fell apart in the lunchroom, threw a couple milk cartons, and landed himself back in time out with the principal calling me to take him home.

What is it about 3rd grade that is so different from 2nd? I don't get it and I don't think he knows either, but whatever it is, it's ratcheting his anxiety up higher than we've ever seen. And although he still seems to like school, it would appear that he is just barely holding it together most of the time. And sometimes...he just can't hold it together anymore. It breaks my heart. It shouldn't be this hard for him.

While I think the school staff genuinely would like to find a way to make this stop, their motivations are of the keeping the peace variety vs. a concern for Owen. And so, as it happens when you have children, my husband and I are left having to be experts on things we've never claimed to be experts in: education? autism? anxiety? children?

The only part of this I feel expert in is Owen. And even then, I can't claim to understand the way his brain works well enough to know the solution. I can't read his mind, and that's pretty much what it feels like I'd need to do to get to the bottom of this.

But I can make decisions that put his best interest at the center rather than the policies and procedures of the school. And I can stand up for him when people forget that he's a brilliant little boy who is having a hard time and not a troublemaker. And I can always hold him and remind him to breathe when the world feels like too much. I'd like to believe that all of that combined with some patience, some more research, and the help of a new doctor we're meeting this week will lead us to an answer of some sort, because things can't continue on this way or else we might all have to run away to Mexico permanently.

It's a Living

2011-11-04T21:32:00.000-05:00

I blinked and it was November. I blinked again and I was finishing week 2 of the new job! Pretty soon they're going to expect me to know stuff...gulp.

There have been up and down days in the last two weeks. I'm not good at not knowing what I'm doing. I can be paralyzed by my fear of looking stupid...which is stupid in itself, I realize, but we don't get to choose the fears that paralyze us.

I'm learning a lot of new stuff. And I'm finding new ways to use the stuff I already know. And so far there's been a happy hour every week, so I'm getting to know my co-workers, who seem to be genuinely nice people.

I struggle with not being critical. I struggle with letting myself believe that this is going to work out. I struggle with the constant battle between loving work and loving what work provides. Because yes, this feels like work. It doesn't feel inspirational or entertaining or thrilling. It feels like work. And sometimes that's just what having a job feels like. I'm not totally comfortable with that yet, but I'm getting there.

Work Life

2011-10-26T22:18:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is day 4 of the new job. I have made the decision to suspend my usual cynism and just try to embrace the whole new thing. So far, so good.

Returning to full-time office life for the first time in almost 8 years is going to take some adjustment. It doesn't seem like it should be that different from working in my home office full-time, but it is. I feel inexplicably exhausted by 5 o'clock. But, the job hasn't made me want to cry yet, so that's a plus - and kind of amazing since I mostly have no idea what anyone is talking about all day. (In case you've ever wondered, marketing and corporate communications are really super different.)

Truth be told, I did cry when I got home on Monday, after having been unavailable for an unprecedented three calls from the school and my mom forgetting to pick the boys up at the end of the day (grandpa came to the rescue, but not until my poor kids had been waiting there for nearly 30 minutes)! That's what's the hardest...not the work or the learning a whole new industry...it's the being so much less available for my kids that's hard. I want to be able to drop everything and go running if they need me.

On the bright side, this new work arrangement is forcing me to delegate more things to my husband, which I think will end up being good in the long run. For now, I just have to get used to maybe not knowing what's happening with everything on the homefront at all times. I have to be okay with missing some things. And when that starts to make me feel sad, I'll just think about our fabulous new health insurance. Better yet, I'll call my therapist, who I can now see for a tiny little co-pay.

Yep, we're gonna get through this.

My Stories

2011-10-17T14:37:00.000-05:00

I went to a literary event last week called Mother Words. It's an annual celebration of mothers who write about motherhood. This time the theme was breast-feeding, a topic I have pretty much zero interest in at this stage of the game, but the authors were such good writers that I still had a lovely time.

During the Q&A, someone asked about privacy and if there was a time when the authors would stop writing about their children because the stories were no longer theirs to tell. It touched on a nerve I've been feeling...truthfully, I've always worried about mentioning the teenager, even though I've never done so by name, because that line between my story and his is so blurry. (Luckily, I have a readership of, like, 25.) But now, as my boys get older, I'm aware that they are capable of finding and reading my blog and I wonder what they would think.

For the record, all of the authors said they rarely write about the details of their elementary-aged kids' lives anymore...although they've all written books chronicling the early years.

Then today, I read this debate over whether it's okay for parents to tell their children's stories in memoir. Again, the lines are blurry, but I can't help but think that those arguing staunchly in favor of doing what's best for the story over the children, don't actually have any children.

This is all to say that I'm back to trying to figure out what to do with this blog. Do I retire it? I can't just delete it - I'd be sad to lose all these memories. I could make it private, but leave it up here for my own reference. I could use one of those applications that turns it into a printed book...

Part of me doesn't want to let go of this blog until I finish my 40 by 40 list. I could do that. I could just stop detailing the activities of my children. Or I could start a new blog and bring my 40 by 40 list with me.

These aren't real problems, I realize, they are just questions I'm trying to answer. Is there any value in continuing to blog? Well, yes, to me there is. But I know I have to be more careful to separate my stories from my kids' stories. It's not worth hurting anybody, even if it's not intentional.

And so, I'm trying to view this as an opportunity to make my blogging more focused - less schizophrenic - but I don't really know what I'd focus on...baking and reality TV? Is general neurosis a focus?

Any ideas? Please share.

I'm Number 1!

2011-10-15T12:06:00.002-05:00

I am both proud and amazed to tell you that just this morning, I completed #1 on my 40 by 40 list! Not just any 5K either, but our very first Big Gay Race, an event to oppose the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex couples from getting married. It was the perfect combination of a good cause and a personal goal.

So yeah, I ran a 5K! Me! The person who up until 4 months ago didn't think she could even run a single mile. I have to say, this seemed like one of the most daunting tasks on my 40 by 40 list. And up until I actually saw that finish line, I was debating whether I'd still be able to count today if I ended up walking part of the race. Actually, I was silently chanting "If you run this whole thing, you never have to run again! Ever!"

I had never run 3.1 miles. I did not follow a training regimen. I tried to, sure, but within the last month, I probably only ran 3 or 4 times because I was sick and then sometimes just lazy. The point being: I really didn't think I could do this.

But I did!

I know I've mentioned this a few times over the last couple years, but setting a goal and accomplishing it is really amazing. And I'm not saying that to be trite. I'm saying it because I honestly don't think I had ever truly set goals for myself until I turned 30. That's not to say that I'd never had a goal or I'd never achieved anything in my life, but I don't think I'd ever truly set a goal that was just for me and that was totally within my control to accomplish. I'm actually a little sad that it took me so long to find out how great it is.

As for running, I'm not ready to train for a marathon or anything, but I would definitely run another 5K. And I do intend to try to stick with it as a form of exercise...assuming that I ever regain the use of my quads.

Blips

2011-10-13T17:14:00.004-05:00

Sometimes life seems like a big grassy meadow and other times it seems like a brutal climb to the top of something, right? The top of something that you can't even identify and don't even know for sure you want to reach...

My life over the past week has been hilly. Owen got suspended from school on Friday. I thought I'd been thrown off a cliff or something, I was so panicked.

He got so mad that he stood on his desk and screamed. And then he hit his teacher, which has never happened before. And I was terrified for him because he probably had felt so scared and out of control. And because I worried that they would tell us he couldn't stay in his mainstream classroom, which is crazy, of course, because that's where he's always been and this was only one incident, but that's what I was scared of when I found out. As if he doesn't have the same right to be there as every other kid who's ever flipped out for any number of reasons.

It's been resolved. The short version is that he had been asked to clean his desk - an activity that was not on the daily schedule that is taped to his desk - and when he refused, he was informed that he would miss out on Friday "choice" time, which is probably the 30 minutes he most looks forward to the entire week. The whole thing seemed unfair to him. The injustice was too much to bear. He couldn't calm himself down and, really, it doesn't sound like anyone was paying close enough attention until he got on his desk. Not that he had the right to hit anyone. Of course not. But the whole thing became so much less scary once I understood his point of view. I wish that his school wasn't so under-resourced so that they could have someone whose job it was to consider his point-of-view.

Anyway, the very same weekend we were dealing with the suspension (which looked like me pulling info out of Owen like a dentist extracting molars, and researching autism service dogs), the (former) teenager had an emotional breakdown of his own that involved the bubbling up of all those horrible things that I could tell you that I feared he felt, but that he had never voiced, the big one being "I haven't had parents for 4 years."

We could debate the validity of such a statement for hours. It wouldn't change the fact that when he's at his worst, that's how he feels. The tragedy, I suppose, is that now that he's an adult, he wants exactly what we were killing ourselves to try to give him for so long.

Again, it's been resolved. Or, rather soothed for now. He and his dad were able to have a hard talk and I think both of them feel a little better...as evidenced by the call I got today saying that the (former) teenager is now thinking of applying to college again. Out of state, where he has friends who also attend college and hold jobs and live independently. Please, set aside all the potential pitfalls of such a scenario to enjoy the good parts of it with me. He has set a goal and sounds excited about it. And that's enough for today.

And so you see, as fast as life feels like it's veering off course, we can just as quickly be back on track. It's hilly. And it's good. And I'm learning...learning...to let myself believe that what feels like the end of the world at the time could very well turn out to be nothing more than a blip in what is a pretty great life.

It's like Reading, Baking and Eating Rolled Into One!

2011-10-07T14:27:00.000-05:00

You guys have to go buy this book immediately and here's why:

It's important to support anyone who runs a dessert detective agency...because c'mon, you know you wish you'd had that idea.
It includes a recipe for Pookie, which is a cookie with a PIE INSIDE IT! (If you're thinking, "But you just linked to the recipe," please see item #1.)
It includes a recipe for Cupcake-Stuffed Cupcakes, which are what would happen if average-sized cupcakes ate mini cupcakes.
All the other recipes are just about as insane as #2 and #3.
Your kids will want to bake with you.
And finally, the author's response to my tweet:

Sky's the Limit

2011-10-01T16:11:00.003-05:00

Hey look! My blog is different! Apparently they've released a gazillion more blog templates since I started this thing, so I figured it was time to give the blog a little facelift. It's good timing too, as I believe I am starting a new chapter in my life...

I got a new job! I wasn't really looking for a new job, mind you. But the universe pointed me toward an opportunity to work at a company - a big company - that I'd been admiring from afar. A company that I would have said was on my "Reasons I'd return to corporate America" list, only they didn't have an office anywhere near here...until apparently six months ago, when they opened an office 9 minutes from my house. Fate? Maybe.

I don't start for 3 more weeks, but I'm excited...and nervous...and sad to be leaving my current job. Up until I actually received the job offer, I didn't think I would really leave. It just seemed too risky to leave a job I liked for a job I could potentially hate. A job that will find me trapped back in cubeland after nearly a year and a half of working (mostly) in my slippers. A job where I don't have any friends.

But then I made my husband give me a reality check (He's usually more like, "Whatever you want to do is great!" so I had to make him take sides.). It's a good job. In a big, stable company with a culture that is held up as an example among people in my profession. Plus, the benefits summary nearly made me weep with joy. (Therapy and braces for everyone!) Oh...and let's not forget that my husband runs a struggling, non-profit theater.

So even though I'm scared, I feel like this is what I need to do. And I'm excited about the opportunity to learn new things and have co-workers that I can see.

I think it's the first time I've ever taken a job with the intention of getting the most out of it. In the past I've always just sort of followed the opportunities and done my best, without thinking much about where it might lead. I finally feel like I'm being smart in my career and smart for my family, which is a good feeling. Let's just hope I also feel smart on the job.

So stay tuned for the adventures of a mom trying to remember how to run a household while working in an office full-time...should be interesting.

Conflicted

2011-09-25T15:12:00.001-05:00

Some of you probably saw this story, about Stephen Wiltshire, another person with autism who has an amazing gift. I like these stories because, with all the challenges that autism poses, it's heart-warming to be reminded of the way it can also produce genius.

However, I have to admit that every time I read one of these stories of an autistic genius, I worry that even though Owen is exceptionally smart, he might not be a savant. I'm not saying he couldn't be the best in the whole world at something (in fact, I have no trouble believing that he could), I'm just saying that there's almost an expectation these days that people with autism (especially high-functioning autism) are also geniuses of some sort...at least, where the media is concerned.

So I find myself hoping he does have some exceptional gift because it would be so great for him to give a big f-you to all of the stuff he has trouble with and be able to be the best at one thing.

And then there's the flipside. I'm sure most of you saw this story in the NY Times, about Justin Canha, another young adult with autism, who is also an artist, but has struggled. He's talented, but not a savant. And his talent has not allowed him to overcome the obstacles that autism presents. It's a sadder story.

And then a friend sent me this story, which was written in response to the story about Justin. The author talks about her younger brother who is on the lower-functioning end of the autism spectrum. She was happy to see the story about Justin for the very fact that it wasn't just another story about a savant.

But what did I think when I read it? Honestly, I felt defensive. Like, why would you think this would apply to me? Owen is clearly a genius bound for incredible things.

Right. So I guess what I'm saying is that I am conflicted. Like I should be holding him to the possibly-unrealistic expectation that he will be a genius in some area...even though I don't think that's a fair expectation to place on him.

None of it matters, of course. He is who he is no matter what I may or may not expect of him. So I suppose the only expectation I should have is that he keeps doing his best.

Here's what makes me a little mad: Both of my kids are probably geniuses (I say this based on test scores, not just maternal pride). But whereas Aidan has the freedom to surprise and impress people with this information, Owen has this unfair expectation placed upon him. Like, he's expected to make up for his challenges by being exceptional at something...because we're a society in love with freakshows.

I'm cool with both of my kids being freaky geniuses. I just don't think it's fair for me or anyone else to expect them to be...me included.

Emmys!

2011-09-18T21:38:00.000-05:00

I'm watching the Emmy Awards. I know two nominees (!) and my friend's former boss was just highlighted in the memorial reel. Is the world getting smaller or do I just happen to know amazingly cool people?

I don't know, both probably and I like it.

If only everyone working hard to follow their dreams had the chance to get dressed up and be recognized...what a wonderful world this would be.

Indebted

2011-09-17T13:33:00.000-05:00

I made the mistake of telling my mother I have credit card debt. As I get older, I keep having these moments with my mother where I think honesty is better than quiet agreement...I'm pretty sure I've been sorry every single time.

A wise friend once told me that when it came to my mother, if I was being honest just because I didn't care, that was one thing, but that if I found myself wanting to be honest in an attempt to change her mind about something, it probably wasn't worth it. So true.

So yes, the credit card debt. I'm not happy about it. Not proud if it. But, hey, shit happens. We make choices, we live with the consequences. To my mother, however, admitting that I do not pay my credit card in full every month is the equivalent of telling her that I have an illegitimate baby in my basement. Seriously. It's like she can't even look at me lately without being reminded of the sins I have committed.

Despite being an adult and having gone through enough therapy to know that she has unrealistic expectations, my mother's disdain threw me into such a tizzy of anxiety that I considered deleting the rest of my 40 by 40 list and replacing it with "Pay off credit card." I didn't, of course. But seeing as neither my husband or I are on the fast track to increasing our incomes dramatically, I might need to push those trips to Paris, Italy and Joel Robuchon to my 50 by 50 list...hello, living within my means.

These are not real problems, I realize. It's just me accepting that living on a single income is not the same as living on a dual income. It's just me applying what I logically know to be true to my emotional desire to err on the side of fun rather than fiscal responsibility. It's the whole live-for-the-moment dilemma, right? Because to truly live like there is no tomorrow is only fun until you wake up and realize there are a whole lot more tomorrows and you've got bills to pay. Sigh. Responsibility is a bitch.

On the bright side, this will force me to resurrect my efforts to invite people over more and eat out less. And not impulse buy at Target. And not plan vacations until I can afford to do so. Ok, that last one makes me cry a little.

Poor little vacationless me against the big, bad credit card company. I will be triumphant. And it will be worth it. And all the world's creatures will rejoice in the knowledge that there is more than one way to live your life -- no matter what my mother thinks.

Shiny Days

2011-09-09T22:54:00.002-05:00

It's already the end of the very first week of school. Seriously, I don't think I'm being premature by suggesting that we start our Christmas lists at the rate things seem to go these days.

The boys are happy little third graders. They are in separate classes just like last year and they're handling the whole back-to-school transition like seasoned pros. I'm happy for them.

I did take one step closer to my dream of putting them in a bubble where no one can corrupt or traumatize them by pulling them off the school bus in the afternoons this year. Owen was having a hard time toward the end of last year - kids would get him riled up and he'd meltdown and yell at the bus driver, who I'm sure was well-meaning, but clearly not trained to calm or discipline children - especially children with special needs.

Actually, the even better reason to pull them off the bus was all the shit they were learning from the troublemakers. Swearing, general hoodlum-ism...I wish I could say there was rock 'n' roll, but instead there was top 40 radio, which is essentially a lesson in getting drunk and having sex. Ok, I realize all of that made me sound very old, but seriously...no elementary age kid should be calling people "sexy mama." It's disturbing.

So now we pick them up after school and they love it and hooray for doing anything to help preserve their innocence for just a little longer. (Not that we don't let them listen to top 40 radio, but at least when I'm with them I can treat them to lectures on how it's not actually cool to go get drunk at the club and leer at women every night...I'm pretty sure they have no idea what I'm talking about and probably very little interest in the lyrics on the songs, but it's good practice for all of us.)

In other good news, I think my annual need to make radical change and question every life decision in the fall is passing...although it's not even actually fall yet, so I guess I might just be having a good day. I'll take it.

Autumn Ennui

2011-09-05T09:55:00.000-05:00

I saw "Magic Bus" this weekend, the documentary about Ken Kesey and his Merry Band of Pranksters' trip across the country in their trippy acid bus. While I'm not so sure that I wished I had been on the bus, it made me wistful for the simplicity of it all...

Pretty much every hippie-themed documentary makes me feel this way: that somehow life was so damn simple back then when everyone just wanted to love each other and expand their consciousness. No one seemed to have any sort of outside demands...no one seemed to have a mortgage to pay or a job to show up for...everyone just seemed to be hanging out.

I know it's an illusion; those people had problems and probably bills and not everyone actually loved each other all the time (they even showed as much in the film's epilogue)...but it's still a fantasy I like to harbor...this idea that with the right choices, a person actually could go live freely on a farm, surrounded by friends, with nothing more to worry about than creating art and philosophizing. (How the food and electricity gets there, I don't know.)

I think it's the freedom I'm in love with...freedom from all responsibility. I suppose that's a product of being given too much responsibility at a young age, although that's really kind of a cop-out because I doubt that there is truly a "right" amount of responsibility to give a kid. You give too much, you force your kids to grow up too soon, you give too little and they never grow up...we, as parents, are screwed and our kids are screwed, too.

But, I digress...so I saw that movie and then I went out to the Renaissance Festival (where my husband performs) yesterday and realized why that place is such a cult...it's people chasing this same fantasy of a simpler time, a freedom from the shackles of modernization...it's a bubble of zero responsibility...a tangible fantasy. (I'm sure there are artistic reasons people do it, too, but I can confidently say that not everyone out there has creative aspirations.)

This realization did not bring me any closer to wanting to embrace the Festival lifestyle, but it did make me ponder how to simplify my real life (no costumes required). Like millions of people, I suppose, I want to get off the hamster wheel...this constant cycle of things I have to do rather than things I want to do...it's figuring out how to be happier with less stuff and less scheduling. I want to tell you that it doesn't come down to money, but I think it does. I want to spend less, so I need less, so we can eventually not have our lives dictated by a need to acquire money.

These are the things I am pondering today as I prepare to send my tiny babies off to THIRD GRADE tomorrow...it's just my anual back-to-school ennui, where I see the way my life is divided into neat little boxes that constantly need to be checked and I wonder how it all happened and whether it's possible to change...not depression, more of just a pondering of domesticated existence in these modern times.

These Days

2011-08-24T21:39:00.000-05:00

These are the days that make me want to build a cocoon around our house and just stay inside...maybe forever...at least until my kids are adults.

I look at Owen and he is fine...more than fine, happy, sweet, smart, playful...good. Great. He is great. We are lucky because he is so great.

And yet, whenever we have to let him out into the world without us (say, to fish camp this this week), he's not so great. He gets mad and he gets frustrated and people don't understand why he is so loud. And I hate other people then. I hate that he is a problem for them. I hate that they aren't able to help him. I hate that he feels scared and overwhelmed and that I can't always be there.

I hate that I can't always be there.

But maybe what I hate more is what it does to Aidan. Because Owen feels bad for a bit, but when the fit is over, he's pretty much over it. He'll tell you he had a great day. He can be happy as quickly as he can be mad. And he doesn't really care what people think about that.

But Aidan...Aidan cares what people think. He is acutely aware of the eyes that are on him when his brother is screaming about not being able to tie a knot or whatever the the meltdown is about that day. He wants to crawl into a hole and it's not fair.

It's been a bad week at fish camp. I can't tell if Owen has actually been having a harder time at this camp, or if these instructors have a lower threshold, because if it had been this bad at other camps (if it had been reported to me as being this bad), I probably wouldn't have sent him to camp this week...or possibly ever.

What kills me is that he likes camp. The fits don't bother him nearly as much as they bother everyone else. When I tell him maybe he should just stay home tomorrow (should he? I have no idea), he gets upset about what he'll miss. And then I've got Aidan agreeing with me because all he wants is to do is go to camp and not be the brother of that weird kid. And then I cry and Aidan cries and even Owen, with his supposedly limited ability to empathize, comes and sits next to me and says he'll try really hard. And you see, I'm back to hating everyone outside of my house.

Is he getting worse? That's what I keep wondering. Am I being unfair or unrealistic by thinking he can cope in these "typical" camps for "typical" kids? I check all the boxes and answer all the questions and hope for the best and this time it's just especially bad. Maybe this is the exception and not the rule...but I can't help feeling like maybe I've just been in denial about the way it's been going at all of these other camps. Maybe they just didn't have the heart to tell me...or the energy.

Next year I'll send them to separate camps. It won't solve the issues with Owen, but at least it will allow Aidan to be carefree.

Or maybe camp is overrated. Maybe we'll just drop off the grid entirely until they emerge as adults whose eccentricities are valued because they're so brilliant...I have to tell you that I like that scenario a lot better than this one. Today, I do, anyway. But this is one of those days...and these days are fucking hard.

A Drive from Seattle to LA

2011-08-20T18:55:00.004-05:00

Alright, I'm only a week late in recapping our West coast adventures. It was a rough re-entry after 12 days of fun. I'm SO glad that we came home on a Saturday, thus giving us Sunday to do absolutely nothing before trying to behave like semi-productive citizens again.

I had a romantic notion of driving the Pacific Coast Highway. And yes, there truly is something romantic about the way you can come around a curve and find yourself inside the most beautiful postcard shot with shimmering waves and majestic cliffs...it's breath-taking. It's also a lot of driving.

The way I planned the trip didn't actually have us getting to the coast until the 4th day, which I almost felt bad about, like I was cheating by calling it a "PCH trip." The most accurate name for the trip would have been "A Drive from Seattle to LA" and the subhead could have been "Mostly on the PCH." But whatever, it was my vacation and I called it the PCH trip.

The highlights:

We flew into Seattle at night and I loved it right away (well, right after the hour-long wait at the Hertz rental counter) - it felt different than most cities I've visited and I liked that. We checked into our super cute room at the Maxwell Hotel (whose slogan, "Meet me at the pineapple," is so adorable that they almost didn't even need to be as good as they were, but they were).

The Maxwell Hotel

When we woke up in the morning, we saw that we had a clear view of the Space Needle right out our window. Nice. Breakfast coffee was had at the flagship Starbucks and then pastries at Three Girls Bakery at Pike Place. Yum.

Three Girls Bakery

Of course we visited the famous fishmongers at Pike Place Fish Market - no fish were flying, as no one was buying, so we made the obvious decision to buy a King Salmon and have it shipped to my mom for safekeeping so we could enjoy a taste of Seattle for weeks to come. It wasn't cheap, but it was probably the best souvenir of the trip.

Our salmon!

We really only had one day in Seattle so we had to be power tourists (note: I have to get back there when I can spend more time). The Experience Music Project was featuring a Nirvana exhibit, which was a very happy coincidence. Having fallen for Nirvana as a 14-year-old high school freshman, it was weird to be in a museum with my kids saying, "See, sweetie, this was Kurt Cobain's guitar." My kids know Nirvana - they've been fans since they were three, which is more than I can say for a lot of the whipper-snappers at that exhibit. (Overhead: "Mom, was Nirvana good?")

It just doesn't seem possible that people are walking around having no clue who Nirvana is. And that, my friends, is how you know you're old. Sigh.

**sigh**

The exhibit was good. It made me a little sad, but it was mostly good nostalgia. The rest of the museum was fine. A little Jimi Hendrix, a lot of instruments that my kids would have liked to play had there not been 500 school groups hogging them all (they did get to play bass, which was cute), a room full of computers where you sit and watch videos of musicians telling stories...not quite sure what was delivered that couldn't have been delivered via a web site in that case. Anyway, it was fun.

We ate some ridiculously good sushi for lunch. We ordered Owen fried gyoza, and then he had the revelation that he actually likes shrimp nigiri and California rolls, which is a pretty enormous breakthrough for a picky eater with texture issues. (Seriously, getting him to try the stuff was more than I could have hoped, but the fact that he likes it is amazing.)

Lunch!

I could have skipped the Space Needle. I mean, we stood next to it and noted how tall it is...but Owen was adamant about wanting to see the view from the top. There's a chance this is because Aidan is scared of heights, but I like to believe that Owen does not have a sadistic bone in his body. So up we went. It was a pretty view and Aidan managed to overcome his fear enough to walk out onto the viewing platform, so, you know, both kids made progress that day. (And to think, I hadn't even set any development goals for this vacation!)

Dinner that night was at Ivar's Salmon House. It came recommended somewhere as being kid-friendly and having a nice view. Both of these things are true. The salmon was great. The kids were happy. That made us happy. We all went back to the hotel and slept.

The next morning was the first day of road tripping! After a repeat visit to Pike Place (the kids really loved those pastries from Three Girls) and a stop at Freeway Park (which we had seen on as the site of the parkour competition on Jump City: Seattle), we were on our way to Portland.

Although it could have been just a 2-3 hour drive, we decided to detour over to Astoria to visit the Goonies house. The one were Sean Astin and Josh Brolin's characters lived (a.k.a., the reason they needed to find all that gold) Yes, it's a real house! People actually live there though, so you can only see the outside.

Goonies!

Astoria is a really cute little place. I fantasized about moving there and writing my series of best-selling novels (yes, it's a series now) while gazing out at the ocean and drinking Rogue ale. The closest we came to this was stopping at the Rogue Public House for lunch. Here's what you need to know: beer cheese soup.

Soon we were back on the road for Portland, where we arrived just barely in time to get ready for our fancy dinner because...I forgot to mention this...it was our 10-year wedding anniversary! A 6 o'clock dinner with my children was not how I pictured my 10-year anniversary, but in the grand scheme of things, it was perfect.

We ate at the Portland City Grill because it appeared slightly fancy, had a nice view (it's in a skyscraper) and seemed doable with the kids. I had noted in our reservation that it was our anniversary and when we arrived, the table was decorated for the occasion and we got a card signed by the waitstaff...I mean, seriously? It was really a sweet gesture.

Thanks, Portland City Grill!

Dinner was delicious (ahi tuna!), the kids held it together as best they could given that they'd spent the day in the car and were now sitting in a white tablecloth restaurant. After dinner, we headed to Voodoo Doughnuts, where I ate a Portland Cream and the boys had things with Oreos and Cap'n Crunch and my husband had a long john with a whole strip of bacon on top...life was good.

Voodoo Dougnuts

I regret not spending more time in Portland. I didn't really get the chance to fall in love with it, but we did have breakfast at an adorable place called Slappycakes, which was recently written up in Racheal Ray's magazine (which is where I heard about it). They have griddles built into the tables and then they serve you squirt bottles of batter so you can make your own pancakes! Despite the obvious hazards of having a hot surface inches from where you eat, it was great. The kids order chocolate chips and bananas and whip cream and I don't know what else to put on and in their cakes and everyone was happy. Plus, they make a real good latte.

A note about the Hotel Monaco Portland: The hotel is really nice, but I thought I had booked a suite with a bedroom that is separate from the living room with the sofa bed (because, hello, it was our 10-year anniversary), but instead, we found that the "wall" was actually a fancy curtain. It was all one big room. An expensive big room.

After Portland, we headed straight out to the coast. Here's where my trip planning began to break down. I hadn't noticed that we'd be passing directly through Oregon wine country. We seriously passed a dozen vineyards and wineries and didn't stop at any of them because 1) we needed to get to our next stop before dinner and 2) I didn't think the kids would enjoy it. Lame, I know.

We ate MN State Fair-quality Pronto Pups on the side of the road for lunch and then we finally hit the 101 and the ocean! It was so exciting to finally see it after that long day of driving through grassy fields.

The drive down the Oregon coast is really gorgeous. Scenic views and lots of tiny cute towns.

Oregon coast

Unfortunately, we stayed in Florence, which wasn't as super cute as I'd hoped (our hotel faced the Dairy Queen). I found myself wishing that we weren't tied to hotel reservations with 24-hour cancellation policies and could have been free to stop when and where we wanted for the night, but the reality was that it was the weekend and most of the motels were fully booked, so that would have been a bad idea.

So anyway, I didn't love Florence as an overnight destination, but the next morning it redeemed itself when we went to the Dunes. If you've never seen them, the Dunes are just the craziest thing...sitting there between ocean and forest, is just miles and miles of sand. It looks like the desert.

We decided to go for a sandrail tour, which is basically someone driving you through the dunes at 60 mph for 30 minutes. It was amazing and also terrifying at times, as the drivers are trained to shoot straight up a dune, only to then make a sharp turn and fly back down it, and repeat.

You can't see the terror behind the goggles.

It was more like a roller coaster than I had anticipated and I felt bad as Aidan clung to us and whimpered for it to be over. I feel quite certain it will be stored as a traumatic memory for him.

Owen, on the other hand, loved it. He could not get enough. While Aidan sobbed about it being the worst thing ever, Owen exclaimed that he would like to go on it a million more times. So I guess that sort of balanced out my parental guilt...plus, it was sort of a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so I'm glad we all did it together.

From here it was a lot, a lot, a lot of driving. Scenic driving, yes. But still a lot of driving. And I say this as the person who never did any of the driving. Thank goodness my husband loves to drive.

We eventually found ourselves among the redwoods, which is always magical. Those trees make you feel so tiny.

Misty and everything

Our destination for that evening was Klamath, CA. All I can say about Klamath is that there's really no need to stop there. If you like to camp (I don't), then I'd totally recommend camping the forest, but otherwise, just keep going. Had I known better, I would have positioned us so that we could have passed through Klamath during the day and been well on our way to San Francisco by nightfall, but as it was, we stayed at the Motel Trees (which I thought would be kitschy, but is really just a run-of-the-mill highway motel), did our laundry in what I swear was an abandoned laundromat, and ate a really crappy dinner at the motel.

The next morning, we crossed the street to see the Trees of Mystery attraction, which is pretty much a path through a section of the redwoods and then a gondola ride up the mountain. It's lovely. I'd recommend it as a stop as you're passing through this section of the redwoods, but not as a must-do destination.

I was more than ready to get to San Francisco by this time. However, I think I was a tiny bit ambitious in the distances I expected us to cover everyday. This day had a few mishaps with switching to the 1 from the 101 and we ended up on the windiest, narrowest roads I've ever experienced in America (again, thank goodness I wasn't the one driving). But, in the end, we made it to the Golden Gate Bridge right at sunset.

We stayed in a nice hotel in San Francisco and I was more than happy to oblige the kids' request for room service dinner. Ahhhh, amenities.

I ♥ San Francisco. Truly, deeply, I do. We got to stay for two full days, which was wonderful but not even close to enough. Of course we rode the trolley, saw the sea lions, had ice cream at Ghirardelli, Irish coffees at Buena Vista, dim sum in Chinatown, and pasta in Littly Italy. We even hit the playground in Golden Gate Park, which was a surprise highlight. It's easy to get so focused on "sights" that you forget that kids really just want to play.

I definitely entertained a fantasy of moving there to write novels and take the kids to the playground every afternoon. I believe I even suggested that maybe we try it for a year...there's only the slight issue of my husband trying to run his improv theater from afar.

None of us wanted to leave San Francisco, but the kids had Legoland to look forward to and my husband and I were excited to finally see some friends on this trip, so off we went in our Nissan Rogue...

Again, it was a long drive for a single day and it was hard to fully enjoy the scenery when all you really wanted to do was get there. What I'm saying is, if I had truly wanted to enjoy the PCH, I should have booked more stops in between cities, but the reality is that I like being in cities better than enjoying nature...a point I might have overlooked slightly when imagining this trip.

We got to make a pitstop at Pismo Beach, which I had never heard of, but my husband recognized as an old favorite of Bugs Bunny, which led us to discussing the "Kill the wabbit" song and thanks to technology, I was able to pull up the full "What's Opera, Doc?" cartoon and show it the the boys in the backseat as we drove. I love the future!

(This might be the appropriate place to tell you that no, we did not have a DVD player for the trip. The boys each have a Nintendo DS and an iPod Shuffle, but Aidan gets carsick, so we actually talked a lot.)

Pismo Beach was worthwhile if only because I got the shot that I already showed you, but will show you again because I love it so much.

We also had a lovely McDonald's dinner in Santa Barbara (which Aidan pronounces like Hanna-Barbera) before rolling into LA at 10 p.m. There was brief unpleasantness thanks to there being no bedding on the sofa bed where the boys needed to sleep, but that was remedied and we all went to bed.

LA was all about friends. We met my former editor from the college paper(!) with his wife and son at Legoland, which was super fun. We got to meet our friends' baby (who is now 1) for the first time and catch up with several other friends. And I got to go out without any children with one of my oldest BFFs. Yay!

We even got to spend an afternoon at the pool...the pool on the roof of our hotel, looking out at the Hollywood Hills. It was awesome. And I had a pina colada in the sun...and then I was struck by the notion that we could have so easily just gone on a beach vacation for those whole 12 days. Rather than driving next to the ocean, we could have been laying next to it..ah, yes, but that wasn't the point of this trip.

The point of this trip was to see the coast, take the kids to places they'd never been, and have an adventure...and to cross off #11 on my 40 by 40 list! Success on all fronts.

But the point of the next trip is definitely going to be to do as little as possible.

Hindsight is 20/20

2011-08-17T20:12:00.000-05:00

Have you guys read Penelope Trunk's latest blog about the blueprint women should follow to be happier? Very provocative...I've been nearly-obsessed with it for 24 hours.

I don't know if it's that I agree with some of her points or that I admire the way she has so unabashedly drawn completely inflammatory (but logical) conclusions based on the research she cites. I mean, yes, you're going to piss people off when you say things like:

Get plastic surgery.This is the must-have career tool for the workforce of the new millennium. You will earn more money and you will have more opportunities for mentoring. Also, you will have a wider choice of men, which, of course, is another way to earn more money.

But I kind of respect the fact that she doesn't care about pissing people off because it's true. I should admit that I also may be giving her more latitude because she has Asperger's, which probably explains why she's so blunt. (There's also the fact that she's nuts, which I want to make clear is a separate condition from the Asperger's.)

The big picture of what she's saying is that you'll ultimately be happier if you're financially secure enough to do what you want to do as you get older - including having the freedom to stay home with your kids. I don't disagree with that at all. (The homeschool statement is out of place and unfounded, although I agree that our current school system doesn't work.)

The conflict, of course, is that the time period in which she's talking about women being laser focused on increasing their earning potential is also sort of the time you're allowed to be somewhat directionless and not earn any money because you've got so many ideals or so much passion or whatever...and we need a period like in our lives, right?

Because having enough money after you have kids to pay a nanny and a housekeeper and a tutor is not the same as being able to take a summer off to backpack around Europe.

Still, I suppose that logic does not apply to such frivolities as being poor on purpose and finding yourself. I don't know that the "finding yourself" period actually works, anyway. I'm still trying to figure out wtf I want to do with my life and I'm way past her target demographic for this blueprint...

I have to admit that part of me wishes I'd been more focused on earning as much money as I could before I had kids because being ambitious at work pretty much escaped me once those babies were born (I'm happy to say that it's since returned, but it took years).

Still, I'm not really sure what kind of women we'll have if they all emerge from college with a singular focus on finding a husband and staying as pretty as possible in order to increase future earning potential...it freaks me out a little.

So the only conclusion I can really draw is this: The idea of 20-somethings going through life with a blueprint centered around a man and kids might seem great when you're 45 and looking back...but maybe that's just because you've had the luxury of living a life with the freedom to follow your heart...damn the consequences.

12 Days of #11

2011-08-14T13:58:00.000-05:00

We've just returned from a fabulous trip down the Pacific Coast Highway, thus completing #11 on the ol' 40 by 40 list! For some reason that I don't remember (but probably work-related), I planned the trip as a 12-day journey, when if I'd just added on two more days, I could have also checked #31 off the list. Oh well...guess that means another long vacation.

In a nutshell:

It was amazing. The coast is beautiful.

This photo sums it up nicely....

I'll post a real recap soon. Right now I'm recovering from the constant state of motion it feels like we've been in for 12 days. All I want to do is lay around and watch Tivo...which is totally different than how I usually feel, I swear.

MIA

2011-08-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

I haven't really gone fishin' - I'm off completing #11 on my 40 by 40 list! Be back in 8 days!

Fix You

2011-07-27T18:24:00.000-05:00

Hey look, I'm blogging! I didn't want you to think that just because my last entry was all about not being happy with this blog, that I was going to just stop blogging here...that would be like seeing a problem and fixing it...but seriously, moving blogs will require a lot of thinking and moving of things, which I am not yet prepared to do.

In the meantime, let's make the best of this comfy little blog, shall we?

I'm anxious today. I managed to incur the wrath of the teenager due to an innocuous 3-minute conversation with his girlfriend (who now doubles as our Tuesday night nanny!) that somehow got twisted in his mind into some kind of behind-his-back condemnation of his existence...or something. I can't say for sure what his brain tells him is the truth, but in this case, it's so far from reality that I am left only to guess.

Not coincidentally, all of this happened the day he was supposed to show up for family photos. I'd failed to realize I was putting something out there for him to ruin...an expectation. I'd gotten so good at not getting myself into that situation over the last couple of years.

It's really not that big of a deal...it's a temper tantrum. A temper tantrum that comes from a very injured and raw place, I'm sorry to say, but a temper tantrum nonetheless. And the pictures aren't that big of a deal, either...just something nice I'd hoped to have.

But what's bothering me is that I can't stop the buzzing in my brain...the compulsion to want to fix it, even though I can't.

What I want to know is, will I ever get to a place where I can just say, "You know what? It's not okay to fuck things up for everyone else. It's not okay to hurt me just because you're hurting." I want to say it and feel it and be done with it and move on.

But even though the rational side of my brain knows that's what I need, the rest of me just wants to make him feel better. Because I'm sad that he still harbors so much hurt that his brain waits for things to pounce on and twist into ways to tell himself "See, I told you, no one wants you around." My heart aches for him. And that's what I can't get rid of...even though I know I can't fix it...I can't stop wishing that I could.

Blog Envy

2011-07-25T22:49:00.000-05:00

I'm not happy with this blog. I started it when my kids were younger and it once was sort of mostly about them (or at least me parenting them), but now it's more of just a random collection of thoughts and complaints about things mostly not related to my kids.

I've been thinking these thoughts for awhile, but today I stumbled onto Penelope Trunk's blog, which is weird, I know, since apparently practically everyone in the world reads her blog and she's been published everywhere...oh, and she's got Asperger's and so does her son. But what can I say? I'm not always in the loop...

The important thing is that I have now found her blog. It's like a brownie you tell yourself you're only having one bite of and so you take your bite and wrap it back up for later, but you keep unwrapping it and nibbling and then wrapping it back up until you've actually eaten the whole thing. Yep, that's her blog for me today. I haven't read all of her posts since 2001(!), mind you, but I've read a good number of them. She's totally crazy and smart and authentic. What boggles my mind the most though is that she's unapologetically flawed and nuts and still comes off as a seriously insightful business woman. It's kind of awesome.

So yeah, inferiority complex aside, I'm thinking I might need a new blog. I'm not going to stop blogging. I actually like blogging, I'm just lacking focus. Or maybe I'm lacking the nerve to be unapologetically nuts...maybe that should be the name of my new blog...not really sure that would give me any more focus, but it would give me more to write about.

Summertime

2011-07-15T17:46:00.000-05:00

How can it possibly be the middle of July? This is when I usually begin to frantically grasp at summer's corners as it's flying by...but I feel like I haven't even begun to grasp yet.

I suppose it has to do with working. I suppose it has to do with planning our Great American Road Trip down the Pacific Coast Highway (my mind has been focused on August). I suppose it has to do with being slightly depressed about my seemingly unstoppable weight gain. I suppose it has to do with the fact that the older you get, the faster time just rushes past you.

Not that summer has been entirely lost on me. I've been running outside (still at one mile, but feeling good), the boys have played in the sprinkler, we've walked around a lake, and we've been to some BBQs. My husband and I even took a trip to scenic Pittsburgh last weekend to race in the Great Urban Race! (And we placed 43rd, which is good EVEN if you consider that there were only 93 teams! And that we made a beer pit shop!)

Still, I don't feel like I've taken full advantage of being able to walk outside without a coat. I may have to get serious about spending some more time on patios sipping margaritas.

To that end, another recent development is our decision to get a Tuesday night nanny! (she's really just a babysitter, but I like alliteration) From now until at least October, I've got a date with my husband every Tuesday! I'm not entirely sure we can afford it financially, but I feel like it's an investment in our marriage, so we'll balance the budget somehow...patios, here we come!

And one more thing I want to say before I end this laundry list of a blog:

The weight thing. It's not good. I went off my meds about 6 weeks ago and rather than lose, I put on more weight. So on July 2, I got fed up. I had sworn off calorie counting because it makes me neurotic, but I decided I had to at least track my calories for a little while to find out wtf was going on, so I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app to my iPhone and it is fabulous.

Using the app's calculations, I'm only supposed to consume 1200 calories a day. That's not a lot and I balked at first, but it adjusts for exercise, so if I run my morning mile, for example, I can eat a little more. It has this huge database of food, so every time I eat something I can just enter it and it logs my calories (this also handily serves as a food journal, another thing that I'd been trying to start).

I went over my 1200 calories for the first four or five days, but then it just stopped being hard. It's kind of amazing how I can still basically eat what I want, only since I'm being more thoughtful about it, I make better choices...better choices like NOT eating Chipotle or having that half pint of Haagen-Dazs at 10 p.m. (Which honestly is when it tastes the best, but oh well.)

In 13 days, I've lost 4 pounds! If I continue at that rate, I could be down to my goal weight in 10 weeks, which would make me very, very happy and also provide an excuse to book a bikini beach vacation this winter! (Please note that my goal is to lose more weight than what I gained on the meds, as I've been gaining slowly for a few years and I figured if I'm gonna do it, I should do it.)

So here's to achieving goals and having (low-cal) cocktails in the sun!

Stewing and Simmering

2011-07-05T19:14:00.000-05:00

I read this really great post about writing today. It reconnected me with my dream of being an author (an author of books). My dream of spending my days living in the fictional world of my best-selling novels. Sigh.

It also gave me hope that just because I've basically talked myself out of that dream doesn't mean it couldn't still come true one day...I mean, the author part - not necessarily the best seller part.

The particular bit that gave me the hope:

...experiences: you need lots of them. Along with time, to let them stew and simmer together and become a part of your very being.

Since I can remember wanting to write, I remember feeling as if I viewed the world as a writer. Observing. Hanging on bits of conversation. Imagining the stories one could write about various places and people. So maybe I'm just biding my time. Maybe this is why I love to travel so much.

Maybe those experiences just haven't stewed long enough yet...but when they do, I am hopeful they will begin pouring out of my fingers. Not all of their own volition, no. I know I will have to work at it. Work harder than I've been working at it.

But I also believe that I'll be moved to write at some point. That this blog won't sustain me. That might be the lazy approach - ok, that's probably the lazy approach - but I know myself well enough to know that when I really want something and when I feel ready to go after it, I will.

Until then, I'm still observing. I'm still living the life that I later want to draw from...better make it good.

A Week Without Kids

2011-06-30T07:34:00.000-05:00

The boys have been at camp since Sunday. Sleep in a cabin, swim in a lake, learn archery, make lanyards camp. It's been weird.

We all know kids change your life, but I think the scheduling part of parenthood might have come as the biggest shock...it's not easy to explain to someone without kids that once the children arrive you will have to account for your location and your kids' locations at all times...that your day will really revolve around when those kids need to eat and sleep (even when they're bigger)...and that leaving the house in the morning and returning only when it's time to collapse into bed is something childless people do. I mean, sure you can explain it, but they won't get it until it's happening to them. Which is probably just as well.

I'm not complaining. I've adjusted to being home way more than being out and about. It's just weird to suddenly not have the kids around for such a big stretch and realize how long it's been since you could have a spontaneous happy hour after work or go out to a movie on a weeknight...or not cook dinner for almost a week(!).

I miss those boys, but it's been a good week. [With the exception of my dear Lola dying yesterday. Rest in peace sweet mouse.] It's been busy and tiring in good ways. And I've barely watched any TV, so now I'm starting to understand people (childless people, at least) who tell me they don't really have time to watch TV.

The boys come home tomorrow and I am torn between spending my last night without them purging and cleaning their rooms (like I vowed to do when they left) or just going out to another movie and having a margarita in the sun...wow, when you say it out loud the choice seems a lot more obvious.

One Foot in Front of the Other

2011-06-20T11:25:00.002-05:00

I did it! This morning I ran an entire mile without stopping - and more importantly, without DYING!

I've been working on this for awhile and I am just amazed at how quickly I was able to increase my distance by running outside. The treadmill and I are no longer friends. (However, the Nike + GPS app and I are BFFs.)

I'm ridiculously proud of myself. And motivated. I actually think I'll be able to run a 5K this year...possibly this fall.

Running a mile is nothing to many people, but I'm not kidding when I tell you that I did not think I was physically capable of it just weeks ago. But now I am!

Here's to setting goals and achieving them - especially when they're actually good for you.

If We're Friends on FB, You Probably Know All of This

2011-06-19T17:16:00.002-05:00

I'm afraid that Facebook is replacing my brain's need to blog...which once replaced my need to journal (on paper! privately!). It all feels a bit like switching from eating grapes to drinking grape-flavored Fanta. (I've mentioned that I'm analogy challenged, yes?)

Anyway, I have about seven zillion things (or at least seven) that I've wanted to write about during my blog silence, but today I must first acknowledge that today is not just Father's Day, but also my husband's birthday. I am very lucky to have a husband who is both an amazing person and an amazing dad. So even though I feel bad that he kinda got screwed in the celebration department this year, it at least gives me the opportunity to say how happy I am that he was born on this day 36 years ago because otherwise my life as I know it would not exist - including these crazy fantastic kids. So, honey, thank you for that.

In other news, I am in the middle of another whirlwind-y phase at work. It's the travel that really throws me into a tizzy. On the one hand, it's kind of fun to take a break from routine, visit a new place and play the role of business traveller. Last week I was in Vermont hanging out with some very cool snowboarders. Tomorrow I'm going to Boston to hang out with a whole lot of IT guys (and gals) and probably some of them will be pretty cool, too. (Plus, I'm going to visit the birthplace of Boston Cream Pie!)

One the other, bigger hand, it's hard to be away. I hate seeing how much bigger the boys and the pile of laundry have gotten while I've been away. And then it's never like there's a catch-up period, you're just back in it, only a few days behind. It makes me a little crazy.

But, after this trip I should be home again until we leave for our fantastic voyage down the Pacific Coast Highway in August! I just made the last of the hotel arrangements (no, I don't camp) so we're good to go!

But much sooner than that, my tiny babies who are somehow now 8, are going away to overnight camp...for a week. A week! Last year they did the mini-camp that lasted only 3 nights and they had SUCH a good time. No TV, no video games, just the woods and swimming and campfires...I know it's all so good for them, I'm just having a hard time knowing that they'll be gone for 6 nights this time. I will, of course, fill those 6 nights with happy hours and movies and whatever else kidless people do on a whim, but I will also miss seeing those little faces every morning. Sigh.

Since we're having the blog of randomness today, I'll also throw in that in my quest to lose weight, I've taken up running again and yesterday I ran 0.86 miles(!), which is very, very close to my goal of being able to run a whole mile...which, in turn, will bring me closer to fulfilling #1 on my 40 by 40 list: Running a 5K.

Everyone told me this, but I didn't really listen because I liked being hidden down in my basement: Running outside makes all the difference. I ran 1/2 a mile on my first outside run. On the treadmill, I am near death after 1/4 mile. It's the ability to slow your pace down without having to think about it, but I think it's also just seeing actual progress...getting from one place to the next. It's much easier to will myself to run to one more mailbox or to the end of the next block, than it is to stare at numbers on a screen.

To be clear, even though I'm making progress in the endurance department, I haven't lost any weight. It's actually pissing me off a bit, but I know I'm supposed to be patient. I have the good fortune of being related to a health counselor, who has instructed me on volumetrics, among other things, so I am slowly learning to fill my belly with whole grains and nutrient dense vegetables. Combined with the running, I am bound to see progress soon.

Soon, I tell you!

Cold Turkey

2011-06-09T12:43:00.001-05:00

I recently went off my anti-anxiety medication (Celexa) cold turkey. I had intended to step down off of it, but I guess my brain had other plans since I found myself suddenly forgetting to take it for three days in a row.

I decided to quit after my doctor confirmed that I had gained 8 lbs. in just six months. Add that to the weight I started gaining two years ago when I switched birth control, and then the normal couple pounds a person gains each year as they get older and it’s a lot. The meds were the obvious culprit for the recent weight gain – my doctor said that she had seen other patients gain 20, 40, even 60 pounds on the same or similar meds.
“You don’t want to keep gaining eight pounds every six months,” she said, eyeing my 5’1” (and a half) frame. No, I certainly do not.
So, it’s been nearly two weeks and I feel...anxious. And tired. And overwhelmed. And unmotivated. In other words, not great. I don’t yet know how much is withdrawal and how much is what I blissfully forgot I felt like before the meds.

It’s weird because I didn’t think the meds had made a drastic difference. I felt better, sure, but I had described the effect as merely “taking the edge off” my general neuroses. Now that I’m returning to my natural state, I’m finding myself getting much more easily frustrated, the house feels much dirtier, and I’m in a constant state of trying to remember what I forgot to do. This is what I used to feel like most of the time. This is why I went on the meds in the first place.

The fact that I’d been coping with all of this without meds for so long made me think that my anxiety wasn’t that big of a deal…and in the sense that I am able to function in society, I guess it’s not – is “functionally anxious” a term? – however, I can’t help aspiring to do more than simply function.

What does all of this mean? I have no idea. In the short term, I plan to use my yoga breathing and channel all this anxiety into losing weight. I’m shooting for an even 10% of my current body weight. It’s not going to be easy since I have almost no willpower and I still hate exercise, but I’m hoping Minka Kelly’s belly will supply enough motivation to keep me jogging and crunching for at least a little while.

Another Year Older

2011-06-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

And so another birthday weekend has passed...

I'm okay with being 34, but I'm having a hard time with this 8-year-old business. It's just so unbelievable that my babies are such big people...you'd think I would have seen it coming. Sigh.

I won't give you the full play-by-play on all the festivities, but I do want to tell you that taking a group of 8-year-olds to a restaurant where they juggle knives and cook over open flame right in front of your face isn't the smartest idea. I mean, everything was fine and the kids had an amazing time, but as we sat down at our teppenyaki station, I couldn't help but think that I might be tempting fate.

I also should tell you that iPod Shuffles are, in fact, the perfect gift for 8-year-olds. Owen actually asked if he could listen to his iPod rather than play Wii today. Sure, there's a lurking fear that I'm paving the way to a reclusive teenage-hood where they sit alone in their rooms listening to headphones (yes, I know, they're "ear buds") and refuse to speak to me, but I'm trying to keep a lid on that for now and instead enjoy the peace that comes from personal music players...even if the first thing Aidan bought from the iTunes store was Ke$ha. Seriously.

The end of birthday weekend also marked the beginning of the 10 Percent Challenge, which kicked off strong with a jog and a day of sensible eating (and no sweets!). More on that tomorrow.

Tales of Travel and Not Saying Anything Dumb

2011-06-01T22:00:00.000-05:00

Has it really been 2 days already? I got back from Vegas on Monday and suddenly it's Wednesday...huh.

So this was an unusual trip to Vegas, as it centered around our very first Vegas wedding, and we stayed at the Red Rock Resort, which is way off the Strip.

The entire weekend was lovely. The couple getting married had planned activities for the guests on Friday and Saturday night (wedding was Sunday) and it was all just fun.

I must also note that I found myself in the same room as Kristen Bell, on whom I have had a crush since Veronica Mars. But since I never got the opportunity to speak to her, I didn't make a fool of myself. I should also mention that she was with Dax Shepard. Had I had the opportunity to speak to him, I would have quizzed him on where they're getting the autism story line on Parenthood. My husband assures me that as a mere actor on the show, Dax would not know such things, but it wouldn't have stopped me from asking...so, yeah, it's probably good that we were never introduced.

But oh, the wedding. You know when you go to a wedding and you're just so incredibly happy for the couple? Not just happy in a "good luck!" kind of way, but in a I'm-so-happy-you-two-found-each-other way? That's how I feel about this couple. The wedding was pure them, which is to say it was classy and entertaining and fun. It made me want to have another wedding so I could steal some of their ideas.

And yes, I wore the dress and it was fabulous. Not so fabulous was the sinus infection I seem to have acquired as soon as our plane hit the ground in Vegas. I started out the evening strong, but by 10 p.m. my head felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls and I just wanted to go to bed. A real bummer as I think that's the kind of dress that likes to stay out late.

As for the Red Rock, it convinced me that off-Strip can be better than on-Strip accommodations. I missed some of my on-the-Strip favorites, but it was really nice not to have to weave through hundreds of people every place we went. Plus, the place is gorgeous, there are lots of good dining options, and they had a bevy of Irish-themed slots (Gettin' Lucky, Emerald Eyes, Reels O'Dublin), which became my new focus for this trip. There's something particularly nice about hearing an Irish jig while gambling. I might even (gasp) consider taking the boys to this place someday, as they've got a movie theater and a bowling alley attached to the casino, which means that once the kids are old enough to do such activities on their own, it really could be fun for the whole family.

In short: Vegas is still fabulous.

Now we must shift our focus to the upcoming birthday bonanza. On Saturday, I will turn 34 and on Sunday, my babies turn 8 (and I cry). The weekend is full of festivities, which I will enjoy extra hard, as on Monday I am beginning what I am dubbing "The 10% Challenge," during which I will work to lose approximately 10% of my body weight. It's no Biggest Loser or anything, but it's a big deal for me and so, I will drag you along with me, dear readers. More on that next week.

Now I must rest up for this weekend.

One More Thing

2011-05-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention that this trip to Vegas is for a wedding - my very first Vegas wedding - and that I'm going to be wearing this:

I have never owned a Betsey Johnson dress before. I have also never worn anything so pink and foofy (that's a technical term). Pretty exciting, yes?

Check, Check, Go!

2011-05-26T19:27:00.000-05:00

As I gear up for my much-needed and much-anticipated trip to Las Vegas(!) this weekend (as always, there will be a recap), I thought I should also announce that I think I managed to cross two more items off my 40 by 40 list!

You might not have noticed, but I posted a link to an article I wrote about being a theater widow a couple weeks ago. Well, it has since come to my attention that what I wrote is, in fact, a personal essay and it was technically published. I think I'm having trouble with this one because it sneaked up on me...it was too easy for something I thought was going to be super hard. I'm also not sure it stretched me in the way I thought that writing something for, say, Brain, Child magazine might have. Not that I can't still do that, but in the interest of giving myself credit for an accomplishment, I'm checking #5 off the list. Woohoo!

I'm also checking #22 off the list because after much trial and error, I believe I am capable of both appreciating and making a good martini. I learned that I was putting too much Vermouth in. And also that I don't like gin martinis, so my definition of a good martini is Grey Goose up, slightly dirty. Another woohoo!

And now with all those accomplishments under my belt, I am headed off to my happy place where I will lounge and play Monopoly slots and appreciate some more good martinis. Life is good.

Gray Skies are Gonna Clear Up

2011-05-22T18:28:00.000-05:00

Is it always blue skies and sunshine following a tornado? Like the sky just had to get all the bad stuff out and now it can move on? Our house was (thankfully) out of the storm path today, but North Minneapolis got hit pretty hard. And now it's gorgeous outside -- complete with a Muppets-worthy rainbow.

Weather aside, it's been a good week in the parenting department. I made another mom-of-twin-geniuses friend (those are hard to come by) and I unburdened myself of a good load of parental guilt by attending the boys' rollerskating field trip on Friday.

I wasn't exactly looking forward to the field trip as 1) I don't generally enjoy large groups of children and 2) I don't generally enjoy making small talk with other parents - or worse, having no one to talk to because all the other parents know each other, because they all volunteer at the school on a weekly basis.

However, I'm happy to report that it was a lovely experience. First of all, I got to have visceral flashbacks to my elementary school years, as the roller rink has managed to defy the laws of time and remain exactly as I remember it from 1986.

Then, I got to be reminded that Aidan can be very independent, as he took off on his own and lapped me several times around the rink.

And finally, I got the pleasure of spending the whole 2 hours with my little Owen. Now granted, I wasn't thrilled about the fact that he wouldn't let go of my hand (my back was still sore from dragging him around the lake by our house, on his rollerblades), but had I not been physically attached to him, I might have missed the cutest moment of the day:

While we were skating, we heard a shout of "Owen!" behind us and I turned to see his friend Claire (who also has Asperger's) skate up and take Owen's other hand in hers. I tried desperately to get my Blackberry to snap a photo, but it was too dark and I was moving too fast, so it refused. (Damn you, RIM!) It was just so precious. And it got him to let go of my hand for 20 seconds before he determined that she skated way too fast for him (ahem) and went back to clinging to me.

But just seeing the way she wanted to skate with him...and also seeing all the other kids who made of point of saying hi or telling him he was doing great as they whizzed by...it was exactly the warming my heart needed. So I stopped trying to get him to let go of my hand and reminded myself that I was lucky to be there with him and that in the not-so-distant future he won't want anything to do with holding my hand.

And so we skated. To Rihanna. To Guns 'N' Roses. To Taio Cruz. To the Black Eyed Peas.

And we were happy.

Me, Meet Me

2011-05-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

I need to say something aloud before I change my mind: I think I might be turning back into myself.

I mean, the me I was before I had kids. Obviously not the same person I was before I had kids, because my kids have both made me crazier and changed me in many, many good ways...

It's as if the me who had kids just finally had the time and energy to get to know the me from back before I had kids and we've worked out some kind of agreement on how to be a mom and a thinking person who enjoys non-kid-related things, without all the neuroses...well, with maybe slightly fewer neuroses.

I'm not being articulate. All I'm trying to say is that as my boys hurtle toward their 8th birthday(!), I'm starting to more vividly recall the days when life did not revolve around sleeping and eating schedules. And that's kind of exciting.

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T12:29:00.002-05:00

Ah, Mother's Day. Do the rest of you moms fluctuate between wanting to spend the day cuddled up with your kids and wanting to jet off to a tropical island where no kids are allowed?

It's funny how a day that's supposed to honor us as mothers is so often used as an excuse to take a break from our kids...not that I'm criticizing. I think the year that we did brunch with the kids and then I flew away to New York with my husband and had dinner in my favorite NYC restaurant was probably one of the best Mother's Days ever. Like everything, it's about balance, I suppose.

This morning I had homemade (schoolmade) flowers bestowed upon me, as well as my coveted mortar & pestle! Then we stuffed ourselves silly at the same fabulous brunch buffet we attend every year. The one with the chocolate fountains and those amazing little desserts you see above.

The rest of the day will be spent laying around, waiting for the finale of The Amazing Race. And possibly making guacamole with my new toy. And dreaming of a tropical island.

Happy Mother's Day!

I Am an Expert

2011-05-06T13:03:00.000-05:00

Lifehacker put out a call for experts and as I was putting together a professional(ish) entry, it occurred to me that I am an expert in many things - and who knows when one might need such an expert?

I am an expert at raising twin boys – particularly if one has autism and both are geniuses (or at least “moderately gifted”).

I am an expert at eating cupcakes.

I am an expert at being married to the owner of an improv theater.

I am an expert at finishing raising yourself when your mom moves out during high school.

I am an expert at dying your hair purple if you don’t want to bleach it first.

I am an expert at planning trips to Las Vegas.

I am an expert at surviving a teenage stepson who made almost every bad choice (and was an asshole to boot) but is now emerging from the depths as a pretty nice guy.

I am an expert at planning parties I'll probably never throw.

I am an expert at updating my Facebook status.

I am an expert at reading dessert menus and over-ordering.

I am an expert at waking up in the middle of the night to dispense children’s Tylenol.

I am an expert at making lists.

I am an expert at over-analyzing things that don’t need to be analyzed in the first place.

I am an expert at giving hugs.

The Month Before Cake

2011-05-01T12:10:00.001-05:00

It figures that I would fail to blog on the final day of my blog-every-day month. Ah, well.

It is a shame, however, that I missed acknowledging the last day of Autism Awareness Month yesterday. Especially since I wanted to tell you that I finally convinced my husband to read "Look Me in the Eye" (he's a stubborn one) and he wrote a lovely blog post about it.

I hope you were all able to celebrate the month in some way - hopefully either by becoming better informed about autism yourself, or by educating someone else.

So yes, it's May 1st, and sure it's May Day, but at our house, it's most importantly the beginning of birthday-planning season. A household of Geminis, are we. My birthday is first, which is probably good since I require the most planning, and re-planning, and second-guessing of plans, etc. I wobble between wanting to plan a fabulous day of activities where I get to spend time with my family and friends and simply wanting to have a day where I don't have to do anything except possibly get a massage and read a book...or watch the Food Network. Yes, I wobble...but ultimately we all know I'm going to plan some kind of activity that will allow me to wear a party dress and eat dessert.

Added into my birthday-planning complexities is the fact that my boys' birthday is the day after mine. This might not sound like a big deal, but it is. I refuse to have my boys wake up at grandma's house the morning of their birthday, which means we either have to find a sitter to come here (and face waking up at 6:30 a.m. the day after my party), or we just have to celebrate a day earlier. Celebrating a day early isn't usually a huge deal, but of course, this year my birthday happens to fall on a Saturday...hence, my fantasy of planning a day of fun. Maybe if we start early, we can all be in bed by 9 p.m.

As for the boys' birthday, I'm still trying to sell my idea of them each inviting one friend for mini-golf and teppenyaki, but I suspect that they'll choose to have another traditional party with at least a dozen kids, which I suppose is alright given their social challenges.

I don't want to leave my husband out here. His birthday is exactly two weeks after the boys' birthday, which this year also happens to be Father's Day. You could say he gets screwed in this scenario, but the good news is that he tends to not want to do much for his birthday anyway. Naturally, I always plan something anyway. I could get into the added complexities of his birthday being on Father's Day, but it's really not all that important - we'll make it work. There will be dinners and cake and celebrations galore in June. Emphasis on cake.

Making Friends (or Not)

2011-04-29T21:53:00.000-05:00

Tonight was the annual school carnival. I dread this event for all the regular reasons, such as it's a waste of money, it's loud, they pump all the kids full of sugar, they give them bags of cheap plastic crap, and there are about a thousand ways I'd rather spend a Friday night.

I continue to go, of course, because my boys love it. Every classroom is transformed into carnival games (that cost $1 per play), there are mini donuts, a bounce house, and the principal dresses up like a ring master. It's elementary school nirvana.

Tonight, however, I found it depressing. I mean, sure, I'm used to the usual isolation that I feel at school events because all the parents seem to be friends (church friends, golfing buddies, ECFE friends, etc.), but tonight I noticed that my kids don't really seem to have friends like the other kids. I've suspected as much for awhile, but it was more obvious tonight. All the kids were ditching their parents to wander the halls in groups. Many had made plans to meet up in advance. My kids said hi to a few people, but didn't seem to share a connection with anyone. Even Aidan's "BFF" seemed to be more interested in hanging out with other kids than with him...(Later, I asked him about it and he said, "I know she's not mad at me because I didn't do anything." Can you hear my heart breaking?)

I know Owen is well-liked, but isn't hard-wired to seek out close friendships. Aidan is sweet as can be, but he seems to be socially awkward in the most painful way. The harder he tries, the worse it gets. And he's sensitive and wants to fit in. Poor thing.

And of course I worry that it's at least partially our fault, for being so overwhelmed by having twins that we never made much of an effort to socialize them...for generally not being good at meeting new people...for not going to church...for not joining the PTA...for not living on a block with kids their age. Who knows all the things we probably could have done to set our kids up for social success? The point is, we didn't. And neither of them seems to have the innate social skills to compensate for the hand they were dealt in the parent department.

I'm not being all fatalistic here. They do have a couple friends. The scene tonight just made me a little sad. Because sometimes I just want things to be easy...and I guess some thing are. Algebra and chemistry will probably come easy. A group of friends to hang out with on a Friday night? That might be more of a challenge. Sigh.

Free Time

2011-04-28T17:15:00.002-05:00

I made the mistake of arriving early for my Dining Out for Life date, thinking I'd be able to work while I waited...only to find out the wifi is down.

So here I find myself with free time that I cannot occupy with work or reading (I forgot to bring my book) and it turns out that I'm very uncomfortable sitting alone in a booth with nothing to stare at but my Blackberry. It makes me paranoid, like the staff thinks I'm being stood up (but I'm EARLY! I want to scream, even though I'm not sure anyone actually cares whatsoever).

Really, I should be able to enjoy getting lost in thought during this "free time". I could think about travel or my kids or work or what I'm going to write my novel about...instead, I'm testing out this blogging via email function. Because then there's one less thing for me to do later.

Classify these as good times

2011-04-27T18:54:00.001-05:00

Ok, we're doing all good news today:

I found out today that we'll know by June 3 (probably sooner) whether we're getting tickets to the 2012 Olympics! This is very exciting. It's going to be a test to my trip-planning abilities if we go. I mean, I've tackled Disney World, I've tackled Las Vegas on New Year's Eve (and St. Patrick's Day), but a foreign country with 8-year-olds at peak tourist season during the Olympic Games? That's gonna be interesting.
I went to Bars class this morning, even though there were lots of reasons not to. That means I've exercised two of the last three days. Go me!
The boys came home from school today happy as clams and Owen even exclaimed "It was the best day of school ever!" He even tried out a self-regulation exercise that his therapist showed us yesterday. Yay happy school days!
I've decided I don't like gin martinis. That means I can now focus my attention on making a delicious Grey Goose martini myself and I'll be able to check number 22 off my list! Even better news is that my sister-in-law is coming over tonight to help me in this quest. And even better news is that one of my BFFs has suggested a martini marathon, which I envision to be like a pub crawl with martinis and that sounds pretty fun (hello, birthday party!)...we'll need mini martini glasses, though. Do you think if a group of people showed up with mini martini glasses, bartenders would be okay with making mini martinis? Cuz otherwise the marathon would end after bar number 2.
And finally, remember I mentioned that I was asked to write a story for a local arts publication? Well, I got it done on time and today my editor told me he loved it and had no changes! Truth be told, that makes me nervous as I tend to write with the intention of being edited (I am positive that says something about my psychological make-up), but that's still good news since it's the opposite of him hating it.

And there you have it. Good night and gnus.

Excuses and more

2011-04-26T20:55:00.000-05:00

As if it's not bad enough that I'm failing miserably, I'm afraid my daily blogging challenge has turned my blog into my nemesis. It makes it feel like work. (yes, apparently work is also my nemesis...I'm better suited for days spent lounging by the ocean with pina coladas)

I thought it would be a good writing exercise, but instead it feels like my writing is even more pointless than ever. Sigh.

Are there phases that a person goes through when forming new habits? Enthusiasm, boredom, self-sabotage, and then justifying failure? Yep, those are my four phases of being a quitter. Except I'm not quitting in this case. I'm just whining. But I'm planning to finish out my last 5 days strong!

It should help that I'm on single parent duty this week - I find that staying home is far more conducive to blogging than actually having a life worth blogging about.

My husband is in New York on a freelance gig and I realized that even though he's gone a lot at the theater these days, I had forgotten the anxiety I get when he's gone for several days. It's like my brain thinks we're going to a desert island or something and I must gather enough supplies to last us the entire length of his absence in case we lose contact with the outside world. I have to assume that it's a holdover from when the boys were younger because back then, I really did feel overwhelmed just taking them both to the grocery store by myself. Now it's easy-peasy, but I guess old associations are hard to shake.

In other news, I realized that I have less than 5 weeks before I'm going back to Vegas for our friend's wedding, which means I have to 1) buy a "summer formal" dress and 2) wear a swimsuit in public. Both of these facts got me out jogging yesterday. Jogging! And, according to Google maps, I jogged a full 0.45 miles without stopping! That's pretty major for me. I guess what everyone has been telling me about it being easier to run outside, might actually be true. Huh. I'm hoping to keep it up and maybe eventually jog the full mile to the Caribou up the street (I believe that if it was a Starbucks, I would have done it already).

I'm also participating in the Autism 5K here in Minneapolis on May 21. I don't plan to run the whole thing, so I don't think I'll be checking anything off my 40 by 40 list that day, but it will be a fun family activity, it's a great cause, and it will contribute to the body reshaping I'm hoping to achieve in less than 5 weeks. Win-win-win.

The Incrediblest Ediblest Egg

2011-04-24T20:23:00.000-05:00

It is Easter. I hope yours was filled with family, fun, and Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Some people get all crazy with them...

I find the egg best enjoyed in its purest form.

Happy Easter!

(Btw, you can skip Hop. Seriously. Skip it.)

Baseball and Eggs (separately)

2011-04-23T19:17:00.000-05:00

Today we made it through our first entire Twins game with the boys! This feat allowed me to learn that baseball has nine innings, not seven. (I don't know why I thought it was seven - is there a sport with seven of something?)

It was a cold, rainy day, but we had so much fun. It helped that we had good seats this time, so we could see what was happening without the TV screens. Plus, it was a daytime game (less tired whining) and we brought blankets. And we ate a lot of crap, which I'm pretty sure is an important part of the baseball experience.

Then, after the game, we dyed Easter eggs. For the first time ever, I undercooked the eggs. (Seriously, how do you hard boil eggs wrong?) Luckily we only cracked one...kind of a giant waste of eggs though.

Hope everyone has a nice Easter. We plan to pay reverence to the Cadbury Egg...truly a miracle.

Btw, I just learned the word "obeisance" and I think we should all try to use it in conversation tomorrow. Go!

At Least I Know I'm Free

2011-04-22T22:44:00.000-05:00

I'm behind. Busy week. Bad week for blogging. Sorry, blog, I owe you 3 more days.

I just caught up on Parenthood. That last episode wrecked me. Those writers must be brilliant because no matter how far-fetched or cliche the storyline seems, it always ends up being good - and usually makes me cry. I've even almost stopped thinking of Dax Shepard as the idiot from Nick Lachey's music video.

I'm worn out. Not enough sleep. Not feeling good. Just a little out of whack.

I probably shouldn't admit that while in this state, I put in a request for tickets to the 2012 Olympics. We've been talking about maybe going since the last Olympics, but I have to believe it was fate that reminded me to Google the event tonight, only to find out that this happens to be the last day to request tickets through the official U.S. ticket provider.

You put in your request and then you wait to find out whether you're getting anything - not the ideal trip-planning process. I've already decided that it's not worth making the trip unless we can see the closing ceremonies...part of me is hoping we don't get tickets because it would be a crazy expensive and chaotic trip, but then the rest of me thinks it would be a super amazing once-in-a-lifetime trip and a fantastic reason to go to London. Now it's up to the universe and the Olympic committee...or whoever doles out the tickets.

Alright, time for sleep. Tomorrow we've got a wholesome family day at the ballpark. Seriously, ballgames and the Olympics? I'll let you know when I put "Proud to be an American" on my iPod.

The Fame Monster

2011-04-20T17:45:00.004-05:00

I'd like to tell you about how I was whisked away in Lady Gaga's tour bus on Sunday night and only just regained consciousness this morning, glitter still stuck to my eyelashes...but that didn't actually happen. I just fell into a work hole - better known as getting-distracted-right-when-you-might-be-forming-a-good-habit.

Turns out Gaga might not be so fun to hang out with anyway based on this whole Weird Al fiasco. Did you see his blog post on his "Born This Way" parody? Please read it. I've mentioned before that I have a special place in my heart for Weird Al, but doesn't his telling of the tale just reconfirm what a decent and nice guy he is? Seriously. He's just an artist trying to make his art. (Art that has withstood the test of nearly three decades, I might add.)

I like Lady Gaga. I planned to buy her new album, but this is just bullshit. Anyone who can't accept Weird Al parodying their song as the ultimate compliment doesn't deserve the honor. Add in the fact that he planned to donate all the proceeds to the Human Rights Campaign and it's just a disgusting ego trip on her part.

I might be irrationally upset about this, but I just can't abide anybody screwing over the beloved Weird Al. Especially not someone who has risen to stardom by being a completely over-the-top media whore.

Anyway, please enjoy what could have been his new hit song:

UPDATE: In case you haven't heard, the whole fiasco has been resolved! Oh, internet, you are so magical. So happy to know that it was a misunderstanding and kudos to Weird Al for not being nearly as bitter as the rest of us...

Merry...Easter?

2011-04-20T07:11:00.002-05:00

I have been negligent in my daily blogging. I will return later today to say more, but in the meantime please enjoy the sight I woke up to this morning.

More Fun, Less Money

2011-04-17T21:15:00.002-05:00

It's Sunday, the night of pondering the week ahead and watching The Amazing Race.

As I've mentioned many times before, I ♥ The Amazing Race and this season is better than ever! The clues actually sometimes require the contestants to think and they've managed to keep the herd pretty close together for the most part, which is always more fun.

My kids keep asking when they're going to do another family edition - my guess is never because I have to imagine that it was a logistical nightmare having minors traveling all over the place and generally being at risk of injury. However, if they ever did announce another one, I'd consider trying out, mostly because I don't think we'd get chosen. While it would be cool to be part of a show I love and travel the world for free, I do not think I would love being in a constant state of high-stress and sleep deprivation with my husband and kids. We'd end up with a whole reel of our worst parenting moments. No thanks.

As for pondering the week, nothing big to worry about in the near term, so my attention then turned to all of the things I want in the longer term. I can blame The Amazing Race, actually, because now I want to visit Vienna at Christmas time...which got me wishing we could take an international trip every year because there are so many places I want to go.

And then I was thinking, what if we could take one international trip and then one beach vacation every year?! Maybe we'll only bring the kids on one or the other. That felt manageable for a second...but then am I swearing off Vegas and New York for the foreseeable future? And what about the places in the U.S. that aren't beaches that I'd still like to see?

All that pondering was really just a distraction from the fact that paying our regular bills is getting tighter thanks to the fact that it's been an entire year since we had two incomes. Which is to say that if I want to continue fulfilling my travel fantasies, something is gonna have to give somewhere else. (duh)

The fact is that I'm just not good at not spending money...wait, let me rephrase that: I'm not good at not doing things in order to save money.

I'm not a big shopper or anything, but I like to make plans, and those plans generally involve eating out. Plus there are the emergency fast food dinners with the kids, or the "It's Friday! I'm not cooking" dinners with the kids. And then all the other stuff that falls under "entertainment": happy hour, movies, dessert after the movie...it all adds up. I won't share how much we actually spent on these things in 2010 (I track them in Quicken), but it's safe to say that we could have taken a nice trip to Vienna.

So how do I give my social life a thrifty makeover? I want to see my friends and do fun stuff but not end up spending so much. Is there a reality show for that? Is it called "Saturday nights at the Bowling Alley"?

Olive Juice

2011-04-16T17:14:00.000-05:00

I made progress in my martini challenge last night. I finally had one I liked! However, it was a (just-slightly dirty) Grey Goose martini and, while enjoying it, I was informed that vodka martinis are not "real" martinis, so I guess I better acquire a taste for gin.

I mean, I suppose I could declare a vodka martini a real martini if I want - I do get to set the rules when it comes to my 40 by 40 list, but I'd rather learn to enjoy the original. Too bad I don't have a chauffeur...I could sure drink a lot more martinis if I did. Maybe on my 50 by 50 list (gasp), I should put "Make enough money to afford a chauffeur." While I'm at it, I might as well add a housekeeper and gardener to the list...

In other news, today is one of those gray, cold, gloomy days (34 degrees - happy spring!) when everyone seems to be getting on each other's last nerve. For the kids, it's screech, whine, repeat. For the adults it's more like snappy-snap, silence, repeat. I think we all need a tropical vacation. And possibly some more sleep. In lieu of those things, I suppose I'll just try another martini.

Tired

2011-04-15T22:58:00.003-05:00

It's the middle of April and it's snowing. That's all I've got. Good night.

Enormity

2011-04-14T18:01:00.000-05:00

Great day in the autism department. We met with the child psychologist and she was smart, kind, and most importantly, well-educated about autism. She honed in on the emotional regulation issue immediately. But what I liked the most was how much time she spent on his exceptional and amazing qualities. (and that she really listened to him)

For the first time I realized that the reason I've discounted a lot of what we've heard from the special education teachers at his school is that they never seem to view him as a whole person. It always feels like he's a set of issues that need to be overcome. That they're just doing what they can to get him back into the herd.

But the woman we met today - let's call her Dr. Wonderful - saw him as a whole person. A charming, smart, articulate little boy who gets overwhelmed and doesn't know how to express himself. A person that's coping the best way he knows how. She shrunk his autism down to size, rather than letting it take up the whole frame, as it so often likes to do.

The plan is to keep seeing Dr. Wonderful to work on helping him regulate his emotions - which, she explained, basically comes down to "learning to tell people what you need, so that they can give it to you." (couldn't we all benefit from such a lesson?) If he can learn how to do this, we should be able to reduce, if not eliminate, the meltdowns that disrupt his everyday activities. (Insert huge sigh of relief)

That's what she's doing for Owen. But what she did for me today was confirm what I've long suspected, but still allow myself to doubt sometimes: He's going to be okay.

Sure, school will be a little harder for him sometimes. Conversations might always take more effort for him. But in the grand scheme of things, he's fine.

I know it seems small, but it's not. It's enormous.

The Mind Allows

2011-04-13T20:01:00.001-05:00

Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.
- Japanese proverb

Since we've got a "things I failed to mention" theme going now, I might as well add that yesterday I failed to mention that in spite of the issues he continues to have (and my issues with his school), I think Owen is doing really well. The fact that he's spacey is nothing new and the fact that he's having fewer meltdowns is progress.

The thing that bothers me - and the reason that I am actually thankful that this teacher brought up anxiety, even though she went about it in the wrong way - is the idea that he's going through his days scared or upset or anxious or sad. Sure, a small dose of such things would be normal for a kid, but to have it be a daily, or even hourly occurrence is heartbreaking.

So if there is anything I can do to fix that, I will. I'm just hoping it's not medication because I feel like his brain has enough to contend with already.

He's good...amazing, in fact. And I have no doubt that he will grow up to do extraordinary things. I'd just also like him to be able to do plain ol' regular things...like making polite conversation with new people. Like completing writing assignments in class without crying. Like, eventually, dating. (and by eventually, I mean when he's 25)

I don't want to take the quirks out of him. I just want him to be free to navigate his world however he chooses - without being controlled by fear.

Hoping

2011-04-12T19:54:00.000-05:00

It's funny how even though I'm blogging all the time now, I still fail to mention big things that are happening. For instance, we found a specialist for Owen!

Of course, you didn't actually know we were looking, did you? Because I never mentioned it. The bigger thing I never mentioned was the pressure we've been getting from the special ed teacher at school to put Owen on medication for anxiety.

The first time she mentioned it was at fall conferences. I was caught off guard, having never had anyone describe his behavior as signs of anxiety. I've since learned more about the anxiety that comes with autism and would have to agree that Owen's meltdowns do look a lot like anxiety. But medication still seemed like a big step, so I consulted his pediatrician who said there was no evidence that medication would be a good long-term solution for Owen and that, unfortunately, "some teachers like to make things easier for themselves."

So I started looking for a specialist and found that most of them had mile-long waiting lists and didn't take our insurance. When we went back to conferences the next time, I delivered the news that no, we would not be medicating him, but I was trying to find a specialist he could meet with to learn coping mechanisms (since apparently they don't teach such things in school). I thought the issue had been settled, but when we recently went back for his annual IEP meeting, the special ed teacher brought it up again, saying she knows where I stand on it, but that she really thinks treating the anxiety would help him in the classroom.

In the very same meeting, his classroom teacher - who is the one that sees him most of the day and has wonderful things to say about him - reported that he's having fewer meltdowns, but seems like he's having more trouble focusing...to which, the special ed teacher commented, "Well, that's the autism." Uh-huh...so you want me to medicate the issue that seems to not be as much of an issue, but there's nothing we can do about the spaciness?? (Needless to say, it became even clearer that we need a professional who is smart about these things.)

Naturally, I found the special ed teacher's push for meds to be irritating and somewhat distracting from the real issue at hand, which was how she planned to help my son in school, but it has since come to my attention that her behavior is actually illegal, seeing as she is not a doctor...which makes it all the more abominable, but still does nothing to help Owen.

(And I want to point out that I'm aware that many kids with autism do need medication and I am not against it as a last resort, but the idea that we would go from zero to pills - against the advice of his pediatrician, no less - is crazy to me. He is seven!)

So anyway, after much searching and calling and waiting, we are seeing a child psychology who specializes in both autism and anxiety on Thursday! And she's covered by our insurance!

I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but I am hoping that she'll be able to help Owen develop the skills to reason his way out of the fear that holds him back. And I'm hoping she can teach us how to help him. I'm just hopeful.

A Moment of Loving Stuff

2011-04-11T18:37:00.003-05:00

Things I love today:

Wearing pajamas until 4 p.m.

@cakespy on Twitter (I loved the website already, but the tweets! Oh, the tweets.)

Mint Oreo cookies (naughty)

The phone call I got from the teenager today to confirm that we are on for dinner tomorrow night (with his girlfriend!)

Sunshine (yay spring!)

The spinach, chicken, and raspberry salad I made for dinner (healthy!)

That my husband loaded the dishwasher (hallelujah)

What do you love today?

Climbing

2011-04-10T21:25:00.004-05:00

It's the 10th of the month, which seems like a good time for a check in on the slump climb.

READ

I am maybe halfway through "Be Different" and it's great. (Btw, I hope you all saw that John Elder Robison himself stopped by my blog a few days ago!) It's educational and interesting and I think it will be really helpful for Owen in a couple years. Despite the painfully slow rate at which I've been reading books, I am on-track to finish it by the end of the month.

WRITE

I've missed one day out of 10 on the daily blogging, which could either be viewed as a 10% failure rate or a 90% success rate. I'm going with the positive. As for that freelance assignment I mentioned, it's due at the end of the month, so I should really start writing it.

EXERCISE

I am seriously failing here. To be fair, I'm still recovering from a horrible sinus infection that makes it feel like there's an ice pick in my brain. I've been on antibiotics since Thursday, so I should be nearly recovered, right? Yeah...I'm a little worried that I got put on antibiotics that are too weak. They never believe me when I tell them that I've built up an immunity...but I suppose that's what I get for going to the Target Clinic rather than building a rapport with an actual doctor.

One positive step is that I have signed up for Bars Class again. I've been absent for an entire month, but I will return on Saturday! I'm also trying to do 30 minutes of aerobic exercise every day. The boys are even (sort of) rollerblading now, so we could potentially go for a run/skate!

EAT

I feel pretty good about this one. I've been making an effort to eat more fruits and vegetables and it's working, although I will admit to eating cheese fondue and chocolate cake the other night...although I never said I was giving up all the good stuff, just eating more fresh stuff. I definitely need to stick with this one and possibly make more of an effort to reduce my sodium intake. I don't think I eat an irregular amount of sodium, but I feel like I'm puffing up like a marshmallow lately. Maybe that's just what it feels like to get fat...must. get. back. on. treadmill.

Despite my mixed success in each of these steps of the climb, I do think my mood is better and I'm feeling less hermit-like, so I seem to be getting somewhere, even if it's slow. Onward!

Photos & Friends

2011-04-09T12:47:00.004-05:00

We survived the sleepover. The children would probably even describe it as "fun." Success.

In other news, I've been pondering things (as I'm known to do) and I've come to two decisions:

1. I want to do a photo everyday for a year project.

2. I want to complete #35 on my 40 by 40 list by my birthday. That means I need to write each one of my friends a letter saying what they mean to me.

The first one will be easy to start and hard to stick with. The second one will be hard to start, but I'm hoping the words will come easily once I get started...

So, for the photos, I'm torn. I like the idea of just having a photo that represents each day, but then I also thought it would be interesting to do a photo of a certain time of day. Like, a photo of everyone I'm with at 7 p.m. everyday. Yes, I'd end up with a lot of photos of me and my kids in our living room, but that's not all bad. You'll still be able to see a progression over time. Thoughts, anyone?

Also, can you start such a project on a random day in April, or would it be better to wait until either the first on the month, or my birthday or something?

As for writing my friends letters, well, that begs the question of who makes the list, right? I'm not going to write every person I know a letter, but how do you define "friend"? Is it how long we've known each other? How often we speak? (If we're actually talking about talking, that's a short list) I don't know...I'm feeling a need to set criteria so that I can limit the list, while also not hurting anyone's feelings. Maybe I'm projecting here, but if I had a friend who announced she was writing letters to all of her friends and then I didn't get a letter, I'd be a little hurt. I have to think about that one some more. The point is that if I got hit by a bus next week, or month, or year (or if one of my friends did), this is something I would like to have done.

And also, does an email count as a letter? Did I really mean that I would write actual paper letters? (I should really remind myself to be more detailed when setting goals)

So if I manage to complete this task, that means I can either learn to change the tire or learn to make and appreciate a good martini. You guys were pretty enthusiastic about the martini challenge...makes me wonder if I should make an entire list devoted to bartending adventures...it seems that I have many very willing and able friends when it comes to drinking.

I think I'll pursue all three goals and see what happens. Maybe I'll end up completing six list items in a year. That wouldn't be so bad considering the effort and expense involved in many of the remaining items...I really should have put "get rich" on that list.

Sleepovers

2011-04-08T18:56:00.003-05:00

Tonight I am hosting a sleepover. Five kids, including mine...which I guess makes it a slumber party. And it's nobody's birthday. I think I just let my guilt at not inviting anyone to sleepover at our house for 6 months get the best of me.

The thing is, sleepovers can be a beautiful thing when they are at someone else's house. Free babysitting and the kids have a great time! But you've got to give to get and it was beyond our turn to invite the boys' friends over, so I figured I might as well kill all the birds with one stone and make it a slumber party.

I stuffed them with lasagna and have a movie and ice cream sandwiches waiting. But I also have an Owen sitting inside watching You Tube videos while the rest of the kids play kickball in the driveway...everytime he tries to engage in the group activity, he ends up having a meltdown. His friends are polite and patient with him, but no one wants to be shrieked at for hours.

I don't know how to help him. He knows these kids. He likes them. I don't understand the anxiety he feels, but I do recognize that it's a visceral response. I just wish I could help him feel comfortable in the situation. I wish it could be as fun for him as it is for Aidan.

It's hard, but it's worth it. It's good for him to get the chance to do regular kid stuff, even if it's stressful (for both of us). He does have fun - it's just a lot more work for him than other kids. But I'm grateful that he has friends and that they are understanding of his quirks and his meltdowns. I hope that it lasts.

For now, You Tube seems to be the common denominator, as all the kids have now gathered around Owen to watch Annoying Orange videos...please let there always be a common denominator.

Free Stuff vs. Free Time

2011-04-07T16:43:00.003-05:00

Today I need to talk to you about Extreme Couponing - the show and the activity. I watched what I believe are the only two episodes of the show that exist so far on TLC and I am simultaneously horrified and intrigued.

I mean, on the one hand, these people are clearly hoarders with a form of OCD that allows them to appear functional (and thrifty!). On the other hand, holy shit! Getting $600 of groceries for $6? I'm a little envious of that part...although most of them appear to be living on soda and packaged dinners.

I don't want couponing to be my "lifestyle" as many of them proudly proclaim that it is, but do you think it's something that you can dabble in? Or is it like heroin, where I'll start off trying to get free Hot Pockets and the next week I'll be spending 8 hours at the grocery store buying carts full of toothbrushes?

I do clip coupons and I do get excited when I save $10 or $20. I'd probably get even more excited if I was saving $500, but I feel like I'd have to share my excitement with my basement full of food because I would have no friends and my husband would leave me if I started spending every waking moment combing through coupon websites and darting out to the store at midnight to buy 80 boxes of Frosted Cheerios and 35 2-liter bottles of root beer.

That all sounds pretty judgmental...I think I'm just in shock that such a thing is possible. I guess I can't fault people who choose to spend their time that way. It would make more sense to me if they were using all the money they save to take lavish vacations or, you know, somehow enjoy life, but then they'd miss out on the deals...

I think what I'm saying is that even though I, who once created an Excel spreadsheet based on the order of the aisles at SuperTarget, have no desire to put that much effort into grocery shopping, I think I'd like to have an extreme couponer nearby in case of the Apocalypse or, as one of the husbands on the show suggested, a zombie invasion.

Oops

2011-04-06T20:29:00.003-05:00

It is only April 6 and I've already failed in my goal of blogging every day this month. Damn.

What can I say? I had co-workers in town, we had an all day meeting, I didn't get home until late and I just went to bed. I'm not giving up though - I can blog through May 1 to make up for the fact that I missed yesterday.

My waterpark virus has now morphed into a sinus infection, causing me to feel like I am underwater (is that ironic?). Today I discovered that eating spicy food is a great treatment for a sinus infection because not only do the spices temporarily reinstate your sense of smell, but they make you drinks gallons of water, which is what you're supposed to do. I could attempt to eat spicy food every day and see if it cures me, but I'm pretty sure that I'm just going to go to the clinic and demand antibiotics tomorrow because I am miserable. Seriously - didn't you miss this type of fascinating information yesterday?

I actually have some more profound thoughts that I'd like to share, but I can't quite articulate them with all of this snot in my head, so they will have to wait for another day.

And now I must go, it's Top Chef Reunion night and the premiere of Extreme Couponing!

Two to Go

2011-04-04T18:48:00.008-05:00

In exactly 2 months, I will turn 34. I just realized that I've only knocked out three of my 40 by 40 list items since my last birthday! If I'm going to stay on schedule, I have to complete five list items every year.

I'd love to have all of my friends travel to New York or Las Vegas with me and eat at either Per Se or Joel Robuchon for my birthday, but seeing as none of them are prone to jetting off for $400 meals at a moment's notice, that dream will have to wait.

In fact, none of the travel-related ones are going to happen in two months (I am going to Vegas again in May, but it's for a wedding and there are no 16-course tasting menus on the agenda)...you can also cross off learning to play guitar and having an essay or short-story published....it's not going to be Christmas or Thanksgiving before June...I already had my taxes done...and we've established that I've fallen off the exercise wagon so there's definitely no way I'm running a 5K yet.

I think this means that I'll be baking a pie and drinking a lot of martinis over the next 60 days. Or I suppose I could learn to change a tire...that would actually be a useful thing to learn sooner than later. Maybe I should start drinking the martinis now as a precautionary measure anyway - I mean, who knows how long it might take for me to learn to appreciate one? Based on the few martinis I've ever drank, it's an acquired taste...practice, practice.

Where Not to Get a Massage

2011-04-03T22:38:00.005-05:00

Today my husband and I were supposed to redeem our Living Social deal for a couples massage at Euphoric Ambiance Massage & Bodyworks. This was our third attempt.

The first time we had an appointment, we received a call the day before, during which I was informed that they were double-booked, so we'd have to reschedule for the next week. Okay...annoying, given the logistics involved in finding a time both my husband and I were free and we had childcare...but it's not like my coupon was redeemable somewhere else, so I was willing to give this place another chance.

So our rescheduled appointment was for this past Friday at 2 p.m. At some point during the week, I received an email telling me my appointment had been moved to 2:30 p.m. Okay...

Then, at 2:05 p.m. on Friday, as we were leaving the house to go to our appointment, I get a phone call saying that one of their therapists didn't show up for work, so they were having to reschedule everyone. She went on to tell me that even though they're not normally open on Sundays, they created a shift this Sunday to accommodate everyone that had to be rescheduled.

This is normally where I would have sworn off ever doing business with this place (it's not like massages are hard to find), but again, I have this damn coupon that's already been paid for and it would be a really good deal...if you ever actually were to get massaged.

So, alright, Sunday it is. We drop the boys off with my mother-in-law. We go. I had been warned we'd have to call to be let in because the building is locked on Sundays. We call...voicemail. We wait 10 minutes. We call again...voicemail. Then we get a call back! We explain we're waiting to be let in for our appointment and are told, "Ok, I'll be right down."

Right down! We wait another 10 minutes. I walk around the building to see if there's a second entrance the mysterious caller could have been trying to let us in through...there is not. We call again...voicemail. Even better, we can't leave a message because the voicemail box is full! We wait a bit longer, then decide that hanging out in a parking lot isn't really how we want to spend our afternoon together. We leave. Massage-less and pissed off. The mystery caller never bothered to call back to explain herself.

Tomorrow I will call Living Social and get my money back. And I will make sure to tell everyone I know never to do business with Euphoric Ambiance Massage & Bodyworks in Minneapolis, although it's probably not necessary, seeing as they make it nearly impossible to do business with them in the first place.

But what I really want is to find out what the hell is actually going on at this place...are they hoping to frustrate everyone who bought the deal to the point that we all give up and they just get to keep our money? Or are they actually this bad at running a business? Or is it all just a front for some kind of seedy business venture to which I probably wish I hadn't given my personal information?

P.S. I ♥ Groupon and I've had good experiences with Crowd Cut. This is my first Living Social deal, but I'd like to think that Living Social couldn't possibly have foreseen the depths of the dysfunction at this place...we'll see what they say tomorrow.

**UPDATE 4/4/11 Living Social was apologetic and issued a full refund. Still no word from Euphoric Ambiance.**

A Different Kind of Different

2011-04-02T08:49:00.004-05:00

I read the introduction of "Be Different" and I'm really excited. I can't wait to give it to Owen to read...the only thing nagging at me is how to explain Asperger's syndrome vs. autism (because John Elder Robison has Asperger's and writes specifically about Asperger's.) The simplest explanation is that Asperger's is the highest functioning end of the autism spectrum.

What trips me up is that Owen seems to be at the highest functioning end of the spectrum and yet he's been diagnosed with the broadest term "autism." This is supposedly due to the fact that when he was little he displayed echolalia, the condition common among kids with ASD where they repeat what you say rather than actually coming up with their own words (this only lasted until he was maybe 3). It's considered a speech disorder and, to my best understanding, kids with Asperger's don't have speech disorders, which means Owen gets put in the autism category.

According to Wikipedia: "The amount of overlap between high-functioning autism (HFA) and Asperger syndrome is disputed. Some researchers argue that the two are distinct diagnostic entities, others argue that they are indistinguishable."

The science in this area just still isn't altogether scientific...and the process of diagnosing autism is still very subjective. It's the combination of observation (usually by a doctor who has only known the child for a short time) and information provided by the parents. I can tell you that I did not enjoy the pressure of trying to accurately remember every milestone he did or did not reach from birth to age 3...especially considering I had twins.

Does it really matter whether Owen technically has autism or Asperger's? In the grand scheme of things, probably not - I'm well aware that the label has nothing to do with who he is as a person. But it matters to me in terms of helping him understand what exactly is so different about is brain. And, honestly, telling people your kid has Asperger's tends to be different than telling them he has autism (I've done both) - people tend to associate Asperger's with socially awkward geniuses, which is far less scary to the general public than "autism" which, unfortunately, a lot of people still don't understand.

I can't really blame people for being confused about autism since the spectrum is so broad. There's still that old picture of the child who can't speak and bangs his head against the wall or has violent outburts - and this is reality for some kids at the far end of the spectrum - but there are a million variations in between that picture and, say, Albert Einstein (whom many now think had Asperger's). There are all kinds of developmental delays, communication challenges and, most commonly, social issues that affect people with ASD.

There's no blanket approach to kids with autism because every single one is going to have his or her own quirks, issues, and gifts. Unfortunately, our world likes blanket approaches. Our public school system is built on a blanket approach to education. And corporate America is still pretty much built on a blanket approach to success. But with 1 in every 110 people in America now diagnosed with some form of autism, we're going to have to find another way.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. We were talking about Owen. My sweet, brilliant, funny little Owen. Whose traits I identify much more closely with Asperger's than classic autism...I don't know if there's a good solution to that dilemma. I'm guessing that as he gets older, it will become clearer and he'll be able to decide for himself what he wants to tell people. In the meantime, I can just keep being honest with him.

The Beginning of the Climb

2011-04-01T16:58:00.005-05:00

The first day of my slump climb is going alright. I am still sick, so that's working against me, but I had a productive workday and it's after 5 p.m. and I'm not yet wearing my pajamas, so that seems positive.

READ

I haven't yet started reading "Be Different," but I plan to start this weekend, which is good because it's been taking me a ridiculous amount of time to get through books lately. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to put my reading of "Spoon Fed" on hold for the moment because I simply don't make enough time to read. (But so far I really, really like "Spoon Fed.") What I need is a long plane trip so that I can catch up on my reading...somehow travel did not make it into the slump climbing plan.

WRITE

Interesting news on the writing front. I awoke this morning to an invitation to write a story for a local arts publication! I mean, it was an invitation from a friend, not some crazy random coincidence or anything, but still, it supports my theory that you have to tell the universe when you want things...although technically I don't know that I knew I wanted to freelance again, but when I got the invitation it made me happy, so I guess I did.

EXERCISE

No change on the exercise front. But I've mentioned that I'm sick, right? Resolutions aside, exercise cannot resume until it no longer feels like a bear is sitting on my chest. (maybe it's more of a medium-sized dog, I don't know)

EAT

As we speak, I am cooking a wholesome dinner for my children and me! Baked chicken with green beans and potatoes! Even though I was very, very tempted just to go to McDonalds, I am proud to say that not a single component of this meal came out of a can or box...or even the freezer. Yay me!

I could skip the part about the only other thing I've ingested today being a caramel macchiato, but if I don't accurately portray the depths of my issues, how can we accurately measure my success in the end? So yeah, not a banner day of eating, but I'm finishing strong.

I know what you're asking yourself: Will every post this month be as thrilling as this one?

I promise not to use the Read/Write/Exercise/Eat template every day, but I think it will be a good way to keep me on track and also help me out on days when I have nothing to say.

And my closing thought for today: I want to wish all of you a happy beginning of Autism Awareness Month. Please do your part in helping to spread accurate information about this disorder. You can learn more at www.autismspeaks.org.

The Climb

2011-03-31T09:39:00.006-05:00

I'm on a slope. A valley. I'm settled in the bottom of it, waiting for the inspiration to climb out. Nothing serious - just an end-of-winter/birthday-approaching/children-getting-older slump. (Plus I picked up a virus of some sort at the waterpark, which is just too gross to think about.)

But April is the month I get out of it. I will read, write, exercise, and eat my way out of it.

As you might recall, April happens to be Autism Awareness Month, so I'm going to read John Elder Robison's new book "Be Different." If you haven't yet read his first book, "Look Me in the Eye," please run out and get it today - it's a good story regardless of whether you're affected by autism, but it's a great story if you're trying to understand how the Aspergian/high-functioning autistic brain works.

As for writing, this seems to be the only place I do any writing that isn't related to a corporate strategy, so I'm committing to blogging every day for the month of April. This is a little bit daunting given my track record of posting once a week, but I'm sure I can come up with something to say. I can't promise it will be super interesting, but you know, it'll be therapeutic.

Exercise...I fell off the exercise train again. It was easy and I honestly haven't missed the stress of trying to fit it into my day. But, I know I need to do it and I'm still paying for it every month, so get back on that train I must. I have to make it to class twice a week for the month of April. It should really be three times a week, but I'm being realistic...twice a week.

The eating part is where I want to say I'm going to lift my mood by indulging in all the chocolate and ice cream I want, but unfortunately, that's not really how it works, right? I'm not swearing off those things, mind you, but I'm trying to eat more fruit and vegetables. Less processed crap, more fresh stuff for all of us. Hallelujah.

So that's the plan. In 30 days, I will climb the hill...which is really just a tiny mountain, and as the wise Miley Cyrus says, ain't about what's waiting on the other side...it's the climb.

Spring break = inner tubes

2011-03-26T11:09:00.006-05:00

We've reached the insanity-inducing stage of Minnesota winter where we've started remembering life without snow...we've even had a couple days above 40...but spring will keep teasing us for another month (or two) before actually giving up the goods. And then it will be spring for a week, and then we'll all be complaining about how hot it is. Oh well.

The one spring-related thing we can count on is spring break, which closely resembles winter break here, except that everyone flies to Florida or Mexico. We could have (should have?) jumped on that bandwagon, but apparently the idea of planning a beach vacation for spring break was too obvious for me. I don't even know if I really considered it since I was so busy conjuring up more creative adventures...including our road trip down the PCH this summer.

But man, a beach vacation sure sounds good right about now. I've got to work on my distrust of things everyone likes.

So anyway, instead of jetting off to a sandy beach with palm trees, we are heading down to waterpark central: Wisconsin Dells.

Last year for spring break we took a one night staycation to the Waterpark of America (which is 5 minutes from our house) and the boys acted like we'd taken them to Disney, so this year I thought we'd go nuts and make it a two-night stay out of town and include both a gigantic waterpark AND a MagicQuest ("Like being inside a video game!").

In retrospect, I'm wishing we'd just planned a trip to Chicago, where we could alternate between kid things (like ESPN Zone) and mommy things (like Topolobampo) but that's mostly just because I hate waterparks...and wearing a swimsuit...and screaming children. But, you know, it's their spring break. I'm just happy to have a few days of uninterrupted time together.

And that is what I will remind myself when I am trapped in the lazy river tube-jam with six dozen strangers, staring at my unpedicured toes, while my pasty white legs chafe against the plastic raft.

Somehow this means I love my kids.

Nothing

2011-03-22T18:46:00.004-05:00

Oh, blog. How I miss you sometimes.

I've been wedged between work and utter laziness. Which is to say that I've either been overthinking this work project or not really doing anything.

The weight of the work project will be lifted tomorrow...I'm hoping the weight of the laziness will be lifted when spring actually gets here. Maybe that will be tomorrow, too.

Suffice to say that I'm probably just a little too psyched when I look at my calendar for the week and see nothing scheduled outside of work. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

I do actually like to get out and do things, but sometimes...I don't. For now, I'd rather just stay in my pajamas and plan our summer trip down the Pacific Coast Highway. And eat cookies.

8-Minute Dinner

2011-03-14T18:23:00.008-05:00

Exciting news! It's light outside past 5 p.m., which means I don't feel like putting on my pajamas and getting in bed as soon as I get home! (I wait at least one hour.)

More importantly, it means that even though I really didn't feel like making dinner when I got home with the boys tonight, I resisted the urge to grab fast food and instead, got creative. And so, I present to you my 8-Minute Fancy Shrimp! (I'm sorry, I have no photo. I didn't realize it was brilliant until we'd eaten it.)

8-Minute Fancy Shrimp

You will need:

-One bag of frozen uncooked shrimp

-One bag of "themed" frozen vegetables (I used Archer Farms Southwest-inspired corn and black bean seasoned vegetable blend)

-Barbecue sauce

1. Boil a pot of water

2. Microwave vegetables according to package

3. When water is boiling, throw in frozen shrimp and cook for 2-3 minutes (until they're pink)

Put vegetables on plate, top with shrimp, make fancy criss-cross drizzle with barbecue sauce.

Ta-da! It's like you went out to eat for free!

You could do this with any theme. For example, with "Asian-inspired" vegetables, you'd just sub teriyaki sauce for the barbecue. I'm pretty sure the possibilities are endless.

(And btw, I just learned that you can boil frozen shrimp - my life is transformed.)

Top Chef, here I come!

A thousand words

2011-03-13T12:13:00.006-05:00

It would be boring for me to tell you how I've wanted to blog for days and weeks, but haven't found the time, or how I couldn't think of anything blog about...so let's just assume going forward that anytime it's been more than a week between blogs, I feel that way - deal?

In case you haven't yet discovered the simple pleasure of Patti Digh's 37 Days blog (I've only mentioned it here a gazillion times), I urge you to check out the month of stories she just posted. It's from one of her other projects, in which she and two friends post a photo and a note every day for a year (you can read more on her site). Just a photo and a note.

How amazing would it be to have a photo and a note for an entire year? Imagine if you had one for every day of your life? Involving two other people is genius, of course, because it holds you accountable. Accountable to this thing that you supposedly want to do but will forget about or bump to the bottom of the list when things get crazy...what I'm saying is that I want to do that.

Maybe that's sort of the idea I had when I started my photo blog a couple years ago. My photo blog that I have since deleted because I couldn't stick with it. Maybe I should start again. Maybe there are a couple of you who would also like to photo blog?

If I had had a photo blog over the last week, I would have undoubtedly posted a photo of my sweet Lola mouse, whom you may remember I adopted at Christmas-time. Of our three mice, Miss Lola has been the most outgoing and friendly. And she's gotten the fattest, which I think means she's the happiest. But last Saturday, Lola was not so happy. Actually, I thought she was injured because she kept rolling to her left and it looked like she couldn't use her leg.

It was then that I learned two important things:

1) Veterinarians close early on Saturdays.

2) Most veterinarians don't treat rodents.

Those two facts left me the option of either taking my tiny mouse to the emergency vet, or letting her roll around, and possibly be in pain (it was hard to tell), until Monday. If you're like most of the people I've talked to about this situation, you would have just waited it out until Monday...however, Lola is our pet and we love her. So, although I definitely considered the expense of carting her out to the emergency vet, I decided that the fact that she's tiny doesn't mean it's okay for her to suffer.

So we spent a lot of last Saturday at the emergency vet, waiting for our turn amongst very sick dogs and cats. One ate poison. One had a tumor. One needed emergency surgery. And there were my boys and I, with our little Lola cuddled up in my hoodie.

But it was worth it! It turns out mice sometimes get inner ear infections that disrupt their equilibriums. But after a few days of antibiotics (have you ever tried to give a mouse antibiotics?), Lola has made a full recovery. And this could be my photo for today:

Healthy mouse, happy house.

Eat, tweet, love

2011-02-27T14:00:00.005-06:00

I joined the Twitter revolution last week. I'd been lurking for some time, but finally decided to dive in...I think my capacity to make pithy remarks and snarky observations is reversely proportional to the number of available forums in which for me to make them. I've had exactly nothing interesting to tweet about.

But the upside is that I've decided what my next career move should be. You see, I'm following all my favorite chefs on Twitter and it seems like nearly all of them spent the weekend at the South Beach Wine & Food Festival. This reminded me how much I want to go to one of the big food and wine fests, and then I realized that what I really need is a job writing about food and wine festivals! Pay my way and entrance fees and I will tweet, blog and even wax poetic about all that food and wine until the cows come home...even after they come home.

What a life that would be. Sure, sure, eventually I'd get cynical, but by then I would have befriended all of the amazing chefs that I admire and could move on to my next career, either making gourmet chocolates or ghostwriting all those chefs' memoirs.

But seriously, I am wishing I'd put a food and wine festival on my 40 by 40 list. I know it's my list, but it feels a little like cheating to change it...plus, 10 of the items left already require travel and I've only got 6 1/2 more years. However, there is a Key West Food and Wine Festival that happens to occur in January...hmmm...I sense a travel plan coming on.

Secret Autism?

2011-02-26T12:30:00.006-06:00

I'm a few days behind on this, but I finally caught up on "Parenthood" and had to ask: Is the storyline of keeping Max's Asperger's diagnosis a secret from him rooted in any type of reality?

Look, I know that it's TV and I forgive the fact that nearly every family drama gets neatly wrapped up in a bow after two episodes (mostly because I like Lauren Graham and her kids so much), but the autism/Asperger's storyline has bugged me from the start.

I have no issue with the portrayal of Max. In fact, I think that the actor who plays him does an amazing job - so amazing, that I had to Google him to make sure he doesn't really have autism. I see bits of Owen in every one of Max's monologues and meltdowns. (Owen even has that shirt Max is wearing.)

But this idea that Max is 8 years old, goes to a school for special needs kids, has a full-time developmental aide and doesn't know that he has Asperger's...I don't get it. It doesn't make logical or even TV sense to me. Do people do that to their kids? And are there 8 year-old Aspies who haven't yet started to ask questions? It's so illogical to me that I'm wondering whether it could possibly be based on an experience that one of the producers has had, because otherwise I can't even figure out why they'd make it up.

I don't want people who aren't familiar with autism to think that it's something we hide from our kids until they accidentally overhear us fighting about it one day.

We told Owen he had autism when he was four or five. I don't know when exactly, because it doesn't stand out as a monumental occasion. We didn't stay up all night explaining it, as it appears they're going to do on "Parenthood" next week. After more than a year of seeing therapists and then starting a more intensive preschool program than his twin brother, it was obvious to him that he was different somehow.

We'd always said, "You just need extra help with some things," and then -- maybe it was around his re-evaluation, where we'd hoped to determine whether he actually had classic autism or if he was in the Asperger's category (he meets the criteria for autism, but seems more functional thana lot of kids I've seen with Asperger's, but that's another topic) -- one day we said, "The reason you need extra help sometimes is that you have autism." We've always said that it just means his brain works a little bit differently. That he's just as smart as Aidan, but he just sometimes has trouble with things that Aidan and other kids don't.

Owen is fine with it. Aidan is fine with it. We talk about it freely, particularly when Owen is having a meltdown. It helps Owen understand why he struggles and it helps Aidan understand why we don't always treat his brother's fits the same as his own.

Actually, Owen is more than fine with it. Sometimes he uses it to elevate himself to special status in comparison with his brother ("Well, I'm the one with autism.") and just a few months ago, he came home from school and announced that he had started an Autism Club with a girl in his class who has Asperger's. I think that's pretty awesome.

I can't imagine why parents would choose to treat it as something to be hidden. A secret that even the person afflicted with it shouldn't know...I just don't get it, and I'm curious if anyone out there can explain it to me? Does this really happen? And do people actually think it's a good idea?

Vegas Valentine

2011-02-19T15:56:00.009-06:00

I went to Vegas. I now want to go back to Vegas because it felt too short. Being that this was a work trip, I don't have a lot of exciting things to report, but we did have a fabulous Valentine's dinner at L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon.

It's obvious, right? The place is gorgeous. The food is amazing. The kitchen runs like clockwork. The service is fantastic. Chef Robuchon, himself, was even expected on the premises that evening, so things were probably even more on-point than usual - or not. I have a feeling that place is always run with precision.

We were very tempted by the 9-course Seasonal Discovery menu, but chose the more sensible Club Menu, which was 4 courses, but actually 5 because we started with a crazy foie gras amuse bouche.

Because I have the most annoying stomach in the universe (it tells me I'm starving and then becomes full after 3 bites), I was ready to burst by the time the entree came. The salmon was amazing, of course, but the most memorable part was the signature Pommes Puree, which is a fancy way of saying Best Mashed Potatoes in the World. They were like velvet and whipped cream babies...plus, they came in tiny casserole dishes! I wanted to climb inside the dish and swim around in the potatoes. So good.

Dessert was also lovely, as we shared the selection of tartes and housemade ice creams and even had after-dinner espressos like real adults...adults who were hoping to stay awake past 8 p.m.

All-in-all, the perfect Valentine's Day dinner. So perfect that my husband and I are ready to crown Vegas our official Valentine's Day destination going forward. Neither of us is sure why we never thought of this before...why spend money eating out here, when we could be there? Plus, it aligns with my whole "escaping Minnesota in February" mental well-being philosophy. That's right, going to Vegas is good for me.

The only downside of our dinner was the realization that there is just no way in hell I'm going to make it through Joel Robuchon's 16-course menu (#3 on my 40 by 40 list). Is there a training regimen that one should put their stomach through before undertaking such a meal? I can't just not eat for two days beforehand, as my husband suggested, because my stomach will shrink and I'll get full even faster (not to mention that I'll pass out from low blood sugar). Is it better to take just one bite of everything or just admit that you're going to have to vomit somewhere between courses 5 and 10? (Don't worry! I'll be back for dessert!)

Yes, these are the problems I have. Life is good.

It's Practically Business School

2011-02-12T10:45:00.006-06:00

For years now I've been preaching the necessity of taking a warm, sunny vacation in February to my fellow Minnesotans. February tends to be brutal month, as the shine of the holidays has completely worn off and you're left with dark and cold and spring is still a good 2-3 months away.

Unfortunately, I've been pretty bad at following my own advice...we went to Hawaii last New Year's, which was awesome, but it was a little bit too early in the season to properly alleviate the winter doldrums (or "the greys," as I've decided to call them).

That was all just backstory to help you understand exactly how much I'm looking forward to getting on a plane tomorrow to sunny LAS VEGAS!

I know what you're thinking: But you always look forward to Las Vegas.

And you're right -- I love Las Vegas no matter the season. But I am particularly excited about the timing of this trip because I have a serious case of the greys that I know will be washed away by just 10 minutes in the desert sun (and by the sweet, sweet sound of the slot machines).

This trip will be a little different because I'm going for work (have I mentioned that I love my job?), but my husband is coming too, and the work part doesn't start until Tuesday, which means nothing but fun between Sunday afternoon and Tuesday morning! And then a little more fun Tuesday night!

We're having Valentine's dinner at L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon, which is not to be confused with Joel Robuchon, where they have the 16-course tasting menu that's on my 40 by 40 list. (We were actually going to make this the trip where we spent nearly a mortgage payment on dinner, but we couldn't get a reservation, which I took as a sign.) I'm actually hoping that we'll make it Paris for our 10-year anniversary (!) this year and eat at the original L'Atelier, too, so you know, this is like research...very important research.

In fact, we should really think of the entire trip as educational. I will attempt a historic recreation of the Rat Pack era at the Seahorse Lounge. Anyone with suggestions on what a lady of that era would have ordered from the bar are appreciated - I always end up ordering a cosmo because the pink is so pretty against the sea blue interior.

I will once again attempt to answer the question of whether the staff at Centrifuge are bartenders-forced-to-dance or dancers-forced-to-bartend.

And, of course, there will lots of financial skills training in the form of Monopoly, Price is Right, and 99 cent margaritas.

Yes, yes and I'll also be honing my expertise on social media and organizational communication. I'll even demonstrate my knowledge by posting photos of all of the above to Facebook.

I will no doubt return from this trip as a smarter, more well-rounded person.

The eaves are dropping

2011-02-09T21:11:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I was working from a coffee shop and there was a job interview being conducted at the table next to me. (Btw, unless I was applying for a job at Caribou, I would think it was weird if a potential employer asked me to meet them there for my interview.) The perky interviewer asked the nervous, over-dressed interviewee, "So, if money were no object, what would you be doing with your career?"

Is that a fair question for a job interview? Was he supposed to say, "THIS! I'd still want to work for YOU!" or was he supposed to spill his guts about his secret dreams of becoming a lion tamer in the Mongolian circus?

Well, I'm sad to say this his answer was probably the least impressive option: "Uh...I've never really thought about that." So maybe it was a fair question. Maybe that's exactly who this company (I don't know which company it was) is looking for...people who have never considered the possibilities.

P.S. This was the only thing I had to blog about that did not involve how cold and depressing winter is, or Las Vegas. More on both of those topics to come.

Making a Pake

2011-02-06T20:41:00.011-06:00

Back in July, my eyes were opened to the existence of something called pake. A cake with a pie inside of it! Could this mythical baked good actually exist?

Well, I couldn't think of a better time to find out than during the salute to gluttony known as Superbowl Sunday. And since there was no recipe - just a photo to work from - I knew this would be an adventure.

My first piece of advice in making a pake is to invite some friends over. This is not a feat you should attempt alone.

So, you start with a cake. Two cakes, actually. Because essentially what you're doing is using the pie as the filling in your layer cake.

Then you bake a pie. I'm going to come right out and admit that I used a frozen pie. I felt that the level of difficulty of assembling the pake was high enough that I could cut corners on the pie.

In addition to being easy, the advantage of the frozen pie was that it I could easily remove it from its pie tin (cuz you can't put the pie tin inside the cake). However, I was worried about baking the pie without the tin, so I lined the tin with parchment paper, thinking I'd be able to simply pull the pie out after it was baked...this was true, it easily came out of the tin, but I ended up with a pie sitting on parchment paper, sitting on the bottom layer of cake.

With the help of no less than three friends (we took turns handling the pake and strategizing on how to handle the pake), I managed to pull off a series of flipping maneuvers that produced a correctly compiled cake-pie-cake pattern, but it wasn't pretty.

Next comes the frosting. I used buttercream, but a lighter whipped frosting would have been a lot easier to work with...also, you need more than you think you do - especially if your pake looks anything like mine and you're hoping to cover it up its flaws.

And once it's frosted: Ta-da! It's pake!

Unless you've been practicing, the pake is probably kind of a mess, but guess what? This is not a beauty contest! The pake is all about the joy that comes from eating a pie in a cake, not from looking at one. And let me tell you, it's good.
Mine was cherry pie in a chocolate cake, but I'm already imagining the possibilities.

I'm also imagining ways to actually bake the pie inside the cake. Not sure how to make that work, but I'm definitely willing to try...after I recover from this pake.

Corporate Catharsis

2011-01-27T18:27:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago, I began what seems like a social experiment but is actually my job: I returned to my former corporate team as a consultant. I haven't mentioned it sooner because, well, I try not to comment much on work in this blog, but occasionally lines get crossed.

Now, I'm not back permanently, mind you, I'm just there to complete a project (using much of the expertise that I acquired there). But man, it's weird. I equate it to going back to high school as an adult. There's a familiar feeling of uncertainty and dread that comes with reentering the corporate whirlpool...

But here's the surprising part: It's not bad. I thought my post-traumatic stress would send me reeling upon re-entry, but instead it's kinda fun. It's not all fun, but it's fun to see my friends who are still there. It's fun to have coworkers who are actually sitting beside you (the downside of the home office). It's fun to be able to problem-solve in nearly real-time rather than feeling one or two steps removed from the solution.

More importantly, I feel like it's giving me a chance to make peace with a place that I associate with some of the hardest times of my life (I'm thinking specifically of my boys being in the hospital and my dad dying, but there was also that looming feeling that I was selling my soul). I don't know, it's like having lunch with an ex-boyfriend and realizing that you're actually happy that he's met someone else.

The point is, I'm finding it cathartic. And the work is actually interesting, a fact that got lost beneath the frenzy and politics when I actually worked there. Crazy.

Here's to finding healing in the most unlikely places.

In Bloom

2011-01-26T21:07:00.006-06:00

For those of you who might also be experiencing the typical late-January subzero blues, I'm here to tell you that I've discovered a ray of hope in an unlikely place (for me, anyway): Flowers! That I'm growing! And it's all thanks to the magic of the Watch 'Em Grow.

Now, I'll be honest and tell you that I have no experience with any other kind of planter, so I don't exactly know how this one compares, but what I DO know is that I've never kept any type of plant alive...I probably should have put that on my 40 by 40 list: "Keep a living thing that cannot tell you when it's hungry alive."

Well, if I had put that on my list, I'd now be checking it off. I might even be starting to understand the whole gardening phenomenon.

Now I'll be even more honest and tell you that the only reason I got this particular plant is because my friend works at Bachman's and offered to send me one as part of a marketing thing. And so while most recipients were probably evaluating the planter on its beauty, I took this on as a challenge to see whether I could keep it alive. I've been posting progress for my friends to see on Facebook, but I think this thing is so cool that I decided to blog about it, too.

I got the thing two weeks ago. And it looked like this:

And then with nothing more than a little water, I was greeted with this:

And now it looks like this!
I seriously only have to water it every other day and it seems like almost every morning a new kind of flower pokes its pretty little head up and says "Hello! January has not killed off all living things!" It makes me happy - especially because the view outside is pretty bleak.

I think I know what everyone is getting for Christmas this year...

The Invitation is Open

2011-01-11T22:10:00.004-06:00

I realize it's only been a matter of days (not even two weeks!) since I made the resolution, but I am so far failing at inviting people over...which is to say that I have yet to invite anyone over. (I did, however, bake some chocolate chip cookies.)

In what could be construed as good news, I've gotten the part about staying home down pat. Except I fear I will be a hermit within one month. Every morning I ponder whether I can get away with staying in my pajamas for the entire day...usually I can't, but I sure do like the idea.

You see, I like my friends (a lot, mostly), but inviting them over just seems like a lot of work. More work than going out. I feel like I need a reason to invite people over...a theme, an event, an activity...is this my own neurosis? Do regular people just invite their friends over to watch Wheel of Fortune and eat microwave lasagna? (Yes, apparently I am now 70.)

And then there are the children...mine are sure to be that perfectly irritating mix of cute, distracting and needy. And if my friends bring their kids, well, we might as well have just gone to the Starbucks drive-thru together and called it a day because that's how much heart-to-heart conversation we're going to have. Not to mention that my house is practically a death trap for the under 3 set - I've never seen a house with so many sharp corners. Sorry, that was the anxiety talking.

Friends, I love you. I even love your kids. And you are all welcome. I think I just don't want to have to invite you. January is too cold for me to plan anything other than faraway vacations. Would it be too much for me to ask you all to get together and create a secret schedule in which you call me on a rotating basis to invite yourselves over and tell me what I should prepare? Ok, great. Thanks!

Here We Go

2011-01-04T14:22:00.005-06:00

It’s my first blog of 2011 and already I feel behind! Sigh…I had such good intentions of posting something uplifting or inspirational on New Year’s Day. I guess inspiration never struck. Rather than interpret that as a sign of things to come this year, I’ll just assume that inspiration is simply still on its way, gathering momentum, waiting to pounce at just the right moment. Yes.

Did you all come up with resolutions for the year? (I like to ask questions because it makes me feel like I have an audience.) I have the standard “get back on the exercise wagon” one, which is so boring that I’m not even calling it a resolution, just something I simply must do before I am forced to buy bigger pants.

I seriously considered trying to give up sugar. Isn’t that hilarious? Then I thought, “Maybe I’ll just try to only consume the daily recommended allowance of sugar.” But, of course, there IS no daily allowance of sugar – sugar is entirely superfluous, which I think is what makes it sweet. In my research, I found a guideline that says you should try to limit sugar intake to only 8-10% of your daily calories…this means that the more I eat, the more sugar I can eat, but that’s probably not the way it’s intended. Maybe I should just stop eating sugar cookies for breakfast.

Actually, I think I'll resolve to bake more and to try harder recipes. It will go well with my other resolution to entertain more (not to be confused with throwing more parties because I think we all know I have party anxiety). I just want to invite people over more often. Small groups of people. Even just one person. It’s silly that we always go out and spend money every time we want to hang out…plus, it will force me to clean my house. Plus, plus, with how bad I’ve gotten about making plans, it would be efficient for me to invite several friends over at once. But not more than 6. Through no scientific research, I’ve decided that 6 is the magic number – once you go over, you miss out on talking to someone and that’s always such a bummer. (and one of the reasons I don't like to host parties)

Baking and entertaining. I feel like Betty Draper...no wait, I don't think she bakes. I could resolve to do something career-related, but I'm much more inclined to just be happy where I am and see what happens.

And there you have it: Bake. Entertain. Be Happy and See What Happens.

Welcome to 2011.

Review, Resolve, Repeat

2010-12-31T10:09:00.008-06:00

It's New Year's Eve! One year ago at this very moment, I was in an airplane on my way to Hawaii. Oh, Hawaii...I am dangerously close to booking a trip for next New Year's Eve right now because starting the new year somewhere fantastic is just so much better than trying to figure out what you're doing on New Year's Eve. (However, I do actually have fun plans tonight so I shouldn't complain.)

Anthony Bourdain made a nice year-end list that made me want to make my own list, except I don't know that I've seen enough good movies or read enough books this year to make a worthwhile list of that sort, so instead, allow me to simply recap the reasons 2010 was actually pretty great:

1. I traveled...a lot. I got to experience Hawaii, D.C., and New York with my husband and boys, which was amazing. I made a very snowy trip to New York with one of my BFFs. I got to do Vegas with the hubby and another two of my BFFs (and make new friends along the way!). And, of course, there was the work travel (see no. 2), which wasn't always fun, but it did allow me to befriend one of my new co-workers and fall in love with the Ritz Philadelphia lobby (and Monica's cupcakes).

2. I got a job. Yes, after four years of freelancing and contracting, I got myself a real full-time job. It's been quite an adjustment, but I don't mind saying that I kind of hit the jackpot in the employment area. My boss is awesome, my co-workers are awesome, the work is interesting, and even though sometimes I have to put on a suit and present things to people, I can often spend the whole day in my slippers (I work from home).

3. The teenager graduated from high school. There were times that I wasn't sure it would really happen, so the fact that he graduated is an accomplishment, but more importantly, it's a sign of the progress he's made and keeps making. He's healthy, he's safe, and he makes for pretty good company these days. As long as those three things remain true, everything else is just a bonus.

4. I made progress on the 40 by 40 list. I don't know if I knew when I made the list that it would provide such an ongoing source of challenge and opportunity. Things I've just been wanting to do take on new meaning and purpose when executed against the list. Things I could have said, "Yeah, maybe I'll get to that" are now must-do's because they are the list, and that's pretty great. In 2010, I completed five items on the list:

As already mentioned twice in this post, I visited Hawaii (#4)
I sang karaoke (#15)
I scrapbooked my boys' childhoods (#23)
I learned to do smoky eyes (#28)
I participated in a treasure hunt/scavenger hunt in another state (#29)

That's a lot of stuff. Plus, I may also have completed numbers 18, 19 and 21 but I'm not ready to call them yet. I've let the holidays derail the exercise a bit and as for the job, I don't know, it feels like I'd be jinxing something to call it already, so we'll come back to that one at a later date.

I should also mention that my husband realized his dream of opening an improv theater this year, which is pretty fantastic, but I'll leave it up to him to expand upon in his own year-end recap (which I'll link to here if he writes one).

So with 2010 being so good, I'm entering 2011 with a mix of high expectations and fear of disappointment (what else is new?). I haven't yet come up with any resolutions, but I do know that I'm hoping for another year of new experiences, good food, and great friends. And donuts. This year I'm going to learn to make donuts. Dream big, kids.

Happy New Year!!!

Of Mice and Karaoke

2010-12-26T11:06:00.006-06:00

So it was Christmas...we had pie and presents and hosted our first Wii bowling tournament and then yesterday we took the boys to Tangled, which I liked a lot. Loved the horse. Loved the lantern scene. I think Disney must be funneling all the crap into its television channel so as not to distract the talented people.

I haven't been baking much this holiday season, which I'm going to have to see about rectifying now that I have a WHOLE WEEK OFF! My fabulous employer decided to close up shop for the week. I don't believe I've ever had an entire week off from work where I didn't take a trip...I'm not exactly sure what to do. I will probably attempt to cram all of the fun stuff I haven't had time for lately into one week...that will be exhausting, but hopefully fun too. (Full disclosure: I scoured the last-minute travel deals but could not find anything that was actually enough of a deal.)

But before I get sidetracked on all of the things I might do with my week off, I should tell you what I've been doing all of this time that I've haven't been blogging! Two very important things have happened:

1. I completed #15 on my 40 by 40 list by singing karaoke at my friend's bachelorette party last weekend! (yes, the photo is teeny tiny) As I had always wanted, it was "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard. Very fun. I think I will do it again. And since everyone always asks me this: Yes, really, I had never sung karaoke before. I used to sing for real when I was younger (I once sang a Debbie Gibson song in the atrium of a mall!) but something about getting up to sing in front of friends and strangers as an adult is intimidating. But like I said, it was really fun. I actually think we could have a lot of fun with a karaoke set-up at home...perhaps I will start scouring the after-Christmas sales.

2. We got a pet!

Actually, three pets! Three itty bitty mice. After 7.5 years of not really wanting to be responsible for any additional lives, I finally started missing having a fuzzy pet. This led me to the Animal Humane Society website, which I don't recommend browsing unless you're prepared to drop everything and adopt a pet (trust me, you'll fall in love with one of them).

My reason for going to the web site was to get ideas for a pet that wasn't a dog or cat (Aidan and I are both allergic, plus I'm not ready for a dog). I had hamsters and rats growing up, but never a mouse. However, I fell in love with Cumin, this tiny little mouse with the cutest face. After much convincing, my husband relaxed his anti-rodent stance and I merrily jaunted off to the Humane Society, where I discovered that my little Cumin had been at the shelter for months and that she had two sisters, from whom she had never been separated. So I took them all home, changed their names to Lola, Latte and Boots, and we are now living happily ever after. Even my husband likes them. A Christmas miracle, indeed.

I hope you've all been having a very Merry Christmas season, too.

Now it's on to New Year's Eve, the holiday I dread every year because I simultaneously want to curl up in my bed and want to have the most fabulous, sparkly plans in the land. Neither of these things ever happens. Well, except last year when I was asleep in my hotel bed in Hawaii...that was a good way to spend New Year's Eve. I might have to resurrect the New Year's vacation next year. As for this year...I plan to spend the week uncovering all of the fabulous things I could be doing had I planned more than 6 days ahead of time. But it will all work out in the end. Maybe I will make party hats for my mice...

Downhill

2010-12-19T13:36:00.004-06:00

I always kind of brace myself for the emotional kick in the chest that often comes when introducing Owen to new people and experiences. I should be used to it after 4 1/2 years (crazy that it's been that long since he was diagnosed), but expecting it isn't the same as being used to it. It still knocks the wind out of me. I'm writing this while still catching my breath.

We enrolled the boys in snow sports. Aidan's been asking to snowboard since he was 5, so this year we finally signed him up for a local team where he can learn and hang out with other kids and eventually compete if he wants to. He tends to make friends easily and we don't have to worry about whether people know what's on his mind (he never stops talking), so signing him up for activities isn't a source of anxiety for me.

Owen, on the other hand, tends to meltdown when he's scared or frustrated or overwhelmed. Learning new things - physical things - can be really hard for him, so I was a little relieved when he said he wasn't interested in snowboarding. But he surprised us by saying he wanted to learn to ski. We live next to a ski hill, so we signed him up for lessons.

I had a knot in my stomach the whole first lesson, knowing he was up on that hill with strangers and having no idea how he would do. But when I picked him up, he was beaming. He didn't just love it, he felt like he was actually good at it. He told us that he was the best in the class at turning. He talked about it the whole afternoon.

I sent him off again last week feeling great, knowing he was excited and that he was learning to do something that he might actually use the rest of his life. Again, he came back chattering away about how much he liked skiing and how next week they were going to go up the big hill, which would include riding the chairlift! He was so excited.

So when we dropped him off today and the teacher asked us to stay for a minute, I guess I was a little caught off guard. I thought we were in the clear and that somehow, someway, skiing had turned out to be an activity that he could learn and enjoy just like all the other kids.

Alas, Owen's group scooted off to the bunny hill and the head of the program came over with a furrowed brow to tell us that she didn't think Owen was going to be able to stay with his ski group. "He's getting really frustrated," she explained, "and the instructor is having to spend all of her time on him." Bam. That was the kick. She went on to tell us that it could be a real problem to take him on the chairlift, so he might be put with another instructor so he could spend more time on the bunny hill. Kick #2.

Owen, of course, wasn't there to hear this - the adults always talk about these things behind the kids' backs. I know they think it's kinder that way, but all I could think about was how upset he was going to be if all the other kids went off to ride the chairlift and he was suddenly left with a stranger on the bunny hill. He was so excited. He thought he was doing so well.

And now, here I am, feeling once again like it's my fault for trying to pass my kid off as "normal." I feel bad. Because maybe I should have called out that he has autism when we signed him up. But what would they have done with the information? They don't offer special classes for kids with autism - and even if they did, he likely wouldn't fit in there, either, because he's so high functioning. He doesn't qualify for adaptive phys-ed, which means he participates in athletic activities at school right alongside the rest of the kids. He's not physically unable to participate and so far, I haven't found any type of special instruction for kids who are easily frustrated.

Naturally, following that guilt comes the guilt that I should be thankful that he can participate in the first place. That I have the option of sending him off to ski class at all. That he is so high-functioning. That somehow, despite the fact that he's apparently been having meltdowns out on the ski hill, he's still been coming back in with a smile on his face. And of course I am thankful, but I still want him to have the same opportunities as everyone else. If he wants to learn to ski, I want to make that happen. It sounds so simple.

I keep thinking that not everything has to be harder for him. Maybe I'm still in denial. Maybe I just don't know what else to do. Am I being unfair by throwing him into these situations designed for typical kids and hoping that he'll adapt, or am I helping him learn to function in life? I don't know. What I do know is that I'll put up with endless kicks in the chest if it means he can grow up knowing he can do anything he puts his mind to...I'm just hoping that I get the brunt of those kicks and not him.

Fun Yummy Drama

2010-12-15T20:31:00.003-06:00

It's Wednesday! That means that it's Top Chef All-Stars night!

Unfortunately, it's now just minutes away from tonight's episode...I wish I'd been organized enough to start blogging about it back when it started two weeks ago, but you know, better late than never, right? Plus, two weeks ago I only knew that I thought it was going to be awesome to see so many of our favorite Cheftestants all in one place. And now I know that it is awesome.

Fabio! Spike! Richard! Tre! You may be wondering if I like any of the women chefs...well, I thought I really liked Jamie until she turned out to have become some crazy diva chef since last we saw her. And I'm a big fan of Jennifer Carroll's food at 10 Arts, but well, I can't say I'm a big fan of hers...especially after last week.

Then you add Anthony Bourdain into the mix and it's culinary competition nirvana! I love this season so much that I wish every episode was 2 hours. Actually, if they did a 24-hour Top Chef channel, I'd just watch that. Well, that is unless my other dream of the 24-hour Amazing Race channel was realized, in which case I'd need to switch back and forth.

Yeah, so this blog as no point other than to say: I love this show! It's exactly what I need on a Wednesday night. Fun yummy drama. FYD.

Who will pack their knives this week? Let's hear it for Antonia! (I'm sure she's a lovely person and all, but was she really even all All-Star?)

We'll Make It Anywhere

2010-12-10T15:14:00.011-06:00

How much time can pass after a vacation before it's just plain too late to write a blog post about it? Well, my answer is more than 14 days because today it's only been 13 days since we returned from New York and seeing as I am on a plane (returning from my last trip to Philly for the year), enjoying free Wifi (thank you, Delta and Google), I am going to take this opportunity to tell you about one of our best family vacations ever.

At some point a few years back I'd decided it would be fun to go to NYC over Thanksgiving and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. It's not like I've ever been obsessed with the parade, it just seemed like a cool family thing to do in NYC. This summer, we decided this would be the year.

A bit of research revealed that it was possible to book hotel rooms on the parade route, thus eliminating both the staking-out-sidewalk-space-at-6 a.m. problem and the freezing-child-who-has-to-pee-in-the-middle-of-Times-Square problem. This appealed to me, so I set to work finding a hotel room that did not cost as much as a small car.

The answer was the Doubletree Times Square, but I'm going to come out and tell you that although it cost less than some of the other options I found, it was way more than I would normally pay for a hotel room...especially a Doubletree. That being said, it was nice and it was another one-bedroom set-up where the kids got the "magic bed" (the pull-out couch) and we had our own room and therefore were not forced to go to bed at 9 p.m. when they did...although walking around Manhattan with two seven-year-olds in the winter is exhausting enough that there were nights when I may have fallen asleep before my boys.

Despite the physical exhaustion, the trip was awesome.

Some highlights:

Taking the boys through Times Square the first time

Owen's comment: "This is kind of like the State Fair." An interesting and relevant connection made by someone who is 4-feet tall and doesn't spend a lot of time pushing through masses of people in a place full of strange smells.

The parade

We watched the parade in our pajamas while eating room service. Sure, it would be a totally different experience on the street, but it was hard to feel like I was missing anything as I stared down at the crowds smushed onto every corner, while I sipped my mimosa in heated comfort. And by the way, the acoustics were amazing.

Touring the Statue of Liberty

This was a highlight in that it's pretty cool to see a national icon right up close. It would have been a lot cooler if I had planned 6-9 months in advance and reserved tickets for the crown. As it was, we went up to the pedestal. With all of the security and lines, it more closely resembled a long, cold trip to the airport than a fun family outing, but I'm glad I did it once.

Blue Man Group

It turns out that seven-year-old boys are just about the perfect audience for Blue Man Group. Owen laughed so loud and so often that I had to shush him. I know the boys don't really understand what performance art is, but they know that weirdos doing cool stuff is awesome, and that's good enough for me.

Thanksgiving in Brooklyn

I didn't end up crossing #16 off my 40 by 40 list, as I'd originally planned, because we got a better offer: Thanksgiving with friends who were celebrating their very first Thanksgiving in their very first house! It was so warm and homey and delicious and nice. So much better than dragging tired kids to a fancy restaurant. (We'll save that for another year.) Plus, Aidan karate-kicked a centipede, smushing it all over a white wall...which was totally disgusting, but retelling the story makes me laugh everytime, so I consider it a fond memory.

Cold Spring

Another friend of ours went and got married last year and moved upstate to Cold Spring. I'd never been out to visit, so we hopped on the train at Grand Central (try explaining the saying "It's like Grand Central Station in here!" to small children who have never heard the phrase...they will be unimpressed), took a beautiful ride up the Hudson River -- completely failed to get off the train fast enough, missed our stop -- and then eventually made it to Cold Spring. Imagine a quaint little town out of a Norman Rockwell painting (did he paint towns? I don't know.) and that is Cold Spring. It is the definition of picturesque. Plus, we got a VIP tour of the fire station and a firetruck thanks to our friend's firefighting husband. Awesome. Plus, we got to stay there overnight and it was the exact opposite of Manhattan (quiet, cozy) and I was worried that would seem anticlimactic after three nights in Times Square, but it turns out it was exactly the right thing. So nice.

There was more. I didn't even mention the food. Mac Bar, Otto Enoteca Pizzeria, Norma's. We ate well.

We did a lot of fun stuff, but my greatest joy came from getting to see my boys experience so many things for the first time. There was also the wonderful hospitality our friends showed us, which was not just kind and generous, but also provided a unique counterbalance to our otherwise very touristy vacation. Thank you, Heather, Rolla, Maggie and Danny for taking us in and for giving my kids the perspective thatyes, people actually live here.

I've ♥ 'd NY for many years, but now my boys ♥ it, too, and that makes me happy.

IOU

2010-12-04T12:17:00.003-06:00

Whoa. After I posted my last blog entry I seem to have slipped into some kind of work-induced coma because I have only vague recollections of the rest of November...well, with the exception of taking one of the best family vacations EVER to NYC over Thanksgiving, which I will merrily post about very soon. Promise. I just needed to do a check-in blog to prove to myself that I haven't actually forgotten how to blog.

So think of this as a placeholder of sorts. An IOU.

I have many things to blather on about - my fantabulous trip being one. My love and appreciation of the new Top Chef All-Stars being another. Oh, and the whole Christmas spirit thing...I suppose I have some thoughts to share on the way that taking a trip over Thanksgiving kind of compresses the whole Christmas season down to a matter of weeks...I haven't decided if that's good or bad yet. What I can say with certainty is that I liked it better last year when I spent the Christmas season eagerly anticipating our New Year's trip to Hawaii. Now that was good timing.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I can't go into detail about anything right now because I'm supposed to be getting ready to host a house of 40-50 people this evening. I am fighting my party anxiety by blogging...I realize that it's counterproductive. Has anyone written a book for people who don't like throwing parties on how to throw parties? I need that book...because for some reason I have accepted throwing parties as some kind of unavoidable part of life.

Yeah, so anyway...be back soon. Cheers!

You've Got Mail

2010-11-07T07:28:00.006-06:00

My boys have email. After initially thinking it was a ridiculous request, we came around and locked them down to their contact list (programmed by us), so it feels pretty harmless. And at least they weren't asking about Facebook accounts.

Sure, they're now learning to use a form a technology that will no doubt be dead by the time they really have people they need to communicate with, but on the plus side, they can practice their correspondence skills (no, I don't think greetings or closings should be cast aside just because we're all in such a damn hurry). Plus, it's fun to get emails from them - especially when I'm traveling, as I was last week for work...

So I got online up in the sky on my way out to Philly (Delta's one redeeming feature) and emailed my children to tell them so...thinking they would find this as amazing as I did. Of course, I also asked about their days at school, told them I miss them, love them, etc.

Owen's response (in its entirety):

"You accidentally spelled the instead of they."

Yep. Nothing says love like proofreading. Email has unlocked his inner grammar robot. I think this might be an overlooked skill set for those with high-functioning autism. Who knew?

And P.S., our kids don't find it amazing that we can email from the sky. They assume we can email from the sky. Welcome to the future.

I am the clown with the tear-away face

2010-10-30T14:39:00.006-05:00

It's Halloweekend and I'm having trouble mustering much holiday spirit. Maybe I'm feeling guilty about letting my kids buy their costumes off the rack rather than making them myself (they're going as a vampire and a zombie, so it's not like they would have been super complicated costumes to make...then again, I don't sew, nor do I possess a single crafty gene). Or maybe I'm mentally exhausted from thinking about those Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins, which I cannot, under any circumstances, buy, for fear that I will consume the entire package on the way home. Or maybe I'm just not that into Halloween...

What I am into are the free things that having kids in costume will get you. So far our itinerary includes free lunch at the restaurant down the street, free slices of pie at Baker's Square, and possibly free hot chocolate at Caribou. The free dinner offers are kind of a trick because in order to get there and eat dinner at a child-friendly hour, you have to cut the trick-or-treating short...trust me, I know.

I'm also into seeing how excited my kids get when they put their costumes on. However, experience has taught me that the excitement dissolves rather quickly into discomfort of some variety (either costume- or weather-related, possibly both), which then makes them even more easily aggravated. This manifests itself in the form of dozens of mini-races between houses, with one screaming about being first and the other crying about not being first, with the 500% increase in sugar consumption only making the whole thing more fraught with irrationality. Good times.

I'm not actually as pessimistic about it as that all sounds. I mean, there's a decent chance that someone on our street is handing out peanut butter pumpkins, and we all know that candy you steal from your children contains zero calories. Happy Halloween!

Silver Lining

2010-10-23T18:52:00.006-05:00

One of the blessings and curses of autism is that the kids who have it tend to be oblivious to what others think of them. I generally tell myself that this is a good thing for Owen, because really, how much of what people think of us actually matters anyway? Yes, of course there's something to be said for self-awareness, but I suppose it makes me feel better to imagine that one day he will emerge unscathed from adolescence, never once doubting who he was or whether he was good enough. As if he is insecurity-proof.

Yeah, well, that illusion was shaken yesterday when we hosted the boys' very first sleepover. A friend from school (Aidan's BFF since kindergarten) and her younger brother, to whom Owen seems to relate pretty well. (Is this common? Kids with high-functioning autism socializing better with younger kids? I don't know.) Both boys were soooooo excited.

But just before their friends arrived, Owen's anticipation proved overwhelming and resulted in a meltdown that found him screaming things along the lines of, "They are more interested in Aidan!" and "They're all going to play without me!" And it hit me that even though he seems pretty much oblivious to social dynamics, he's not. In fact, he's been thinking about being left out and about what people think of him. Thinking, but never expressing these things until now. (Neither of his above statements proved true, by the way - the sleepover was a smashing success.)

So as it turns out, he is not insecurity-proof. I mean, of course he's not...I guess I just wish he was. If he has to struggle with social interactions, it seems only fair that rejection shouldn't bother him.

But, as hard as it is to see him struggling with relationships (already, at age 7), I'd like to think that if he's picking up on the bad, he'll also be able to take in the good...that he will build deep connections in his life and get to enjoy all that comes from finding people who really understand him. I think he will.

Hither and Thither

2010-10-17T20:12:00.004-05:00

Despite this having been a lovely and leisurely weekend with my husband and kids, I'm feeling a bit whirlwindy and like I can't quite relax. I spent 3 days in Philly last week and am headed to Chicago for a truly whirlwindy 12-hour stint on Tuesday. It's all for good reason (work), but it's also a bit anxiety-producing for me.

I don't like to be away from my kids. I mean, I like to get babysitters for the night or whatever, but I don't like missing the everyday stuff - seeing their little faces first thing in the morning or kissing them goodnight, especially. Those moments are like my reference points for everything else.

At the same time, there's something sort of nice about traveling for work in that I'm able to focus only on that certain project for a certain period of time. It can be a relief not to feel pulled in quite so many directions for a day or two, even though it means having no one to kiss good morning or goodnight.

It's the going back and forth that I find discombobulating...that familiar feeling that I'm not really meeting expectations (mine, mostly) in work or family life really messes with my head. The anxious side of my brain loves it though, as it gives me plenty of opportunities to overthink and second-guess and imagine worst case scenarios. Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I'd been born an overachiever (with the metabolism of a hummingbird) rather than an overthinker. Someone whose determination to succeed overshadows her fear of failure. I'm working on striking some kind of balance, though, because as I get older, I'm realizing that setting goals and achieving them can be pretty fun...and also, failure isn't generally quite as dramatic as it sounds.

Which is to say that I'm also trying (trying!) to settle the fuck down about being good enough on a day-to-day basis and instead trust that when the imaginary scorecards are totaled, I'll come out okay...probably even more than okay. And that's pretty good.

Morals of Despair

2010-10-11T16:12:00.000-05:00

I’ve been driving around in the unseasonably warm fall weather we’re having here in Minneapolis, listening to “Every Grain of Sand” (well, listening to Dylan's “Biograph Disc 2”) and my thoughts are filled with some combination of longing and memories…sort of a nostalgic pondering.

There’s always been something about fall that makes me nostalgic. The yellows and oranges remind me of old photographs…as if the entire world actually appeared in muted, yellowish tones once. It’s not even all nostalgia for my own memories, I suppose, I’m more imagining the past in all of its convenient simplicity. What was the same, what was different?

But some of my own memories are in there; I have grainy images in my mind of a tractor that used to sit in our yard when I was young – it sat on what is now the boundary between my mom’s yard and ours. I don’t remember it ever running, so I suppose at some point someone hauled it away. I used to play on it when I was maybe 3 or 4. It shouldn’t mean anything to me, but I think that it represents a time when my dad was still here. Here, in this space, in our house. When he had actual belongings marking his territory.

But lately, I’ve been pondering my childhood more than usual I suppose thanks to reading Meredith Hall’s memoir “Without a Map”. I read it because it came recommended by one of my favorite mama-writers Catherine Newman, but I was startled at the parallels I felt between Hall's life and mine. Ok, not the actual events in her life: I didn’t grow up in the 60’s, get pregnant as a teenager, or give a baby up for adoption, but…

The emotions she experienced – the isolation, detachment, loneliness and confusion – were surprisingly familiar. I suppose it’s possible that no matter what form parental neglect or rejection or even just carelessness takes, it creates a kind of universal scar in children.

So yeah, if you think you might be recovering from abandonment issues or have a complex relationship with your parents, this might be the book for you. (I’m starting a side business writing quotes for book jackets.) Actually, I’d recommend it to anyone who appreciates a well-written memoir. Along the lines of “Lit” or even “The Glass Castle,” only with less alcoholism and mental illness.

And now I realize that I sound like a member of a book club for traumatic childhood memoirs. Now there's a club I'd join...

Makeup and muscles

2010-10-07T16:14:00.006-05:00

Can you guess which 40 by 40 item I completed last night?

Yep, I learned how to smoky my eyes.

My makeup enthusiast friend, Michele, and I took a trip to Sephora last night where Smoky Eye Expert A.J. (they should really give her a badge) helped me accomplish #28, which involved 4 colors of eye shadow, 2 kinds of eyeliner, some mascara, brow filler(?) and even some lipstick at the end. Phew.

It was all very glamorous, but it would be have been smarter for me to combine this item with #27 (wear a ball gown), as I felt a little funny walking around the Mall of America in jeans, wearing what felt like stage makeup...or chic zombie makeup. There was a whole lot of black circling my eyes.

Still, the whole process was very informative since I was raised by a makeup-less hippie and have thus far proven to be totally inept at the application of eyeliner. And let's face it, it's fun to be sparkly sometimes.

Plus, I had no idea smoky eyes could be done with any color you want - word on the street is that they can even made "day appropriate." We'll see if that's true...well, maybe...if I find myself feeling super ambitious some morning.

I will be attempting a variation of the eye you see above the next time I have occasion to get dressed up. I mean, I have to after spending a small fortune on pretty purple eye shadow and a puffy-yet-firm contour brush. Plus, I've got to put my new learnings into practice lest I forget the whole lesson.

In other 40 by 40 updates, I'm still going to Bars class. In fact, I've been going to Bars class for more than 3 months now! And I still like it, which sort of means I've completed #18...but I kind of think it's only fair to cross #18 and #19 off at the same time since I could tell you that I like learning the trapeze, but what does it matter if I'm not actually doing it? (I don't know if I like the trapeze, I haven't done it, but it seems like it would be a good form of exercise.)

I hadn't really considered at what point it would be okay to declare that exercise is actually "part of my life." Since I have quitter tendencies, it feels like I should give it at least 6 months...so more on that to come. However, after recently being complimented on the definition of my arms (!), I can see why people get into this working out thing. Oh, and the whole being healthier part, that's good, too.

Waiting for the Words

2010-10-02T18:34:00.009-05:00

I've been wanting to write something about the recent teen suicides and the sudden call to action against bullying and the amazing surge of support for GLBT teenagers. It's been on my mind a lot, but I've been putting off posting anything about it because I generally like to be articulate when talking about such serious matters and I just haven't been able to figure out what to say...

I think the It Gets Better Project is brilliant and if it touches even one teenager who is contemplating suicide, then it will have been a success. (If you haven't yet read about/seen it, go now.)

But here's what I'm struggling with: I want to do more. I want more to be done. I want what gets done to be bigger.

Bullying isn't new. Teenage suicide isn't new. (We all loved "Heathers," right?) But did you know that 11 kids commit suicide every day?

I don't know how to reconcile the idea that today, 11 children will come to the conclusion that there is nothing left to live for. That it's not worth seeing tomorrow. Some of them might be gay. Many of them might be victims of bullying. All of them will die.

I am overwhelmed. Why does childhood have to be so traumatic? I joke about never wanting my kids to leave the house so that no one can ever hurt them, but sometimes I'm not really joking. I don't want anyone to hurt them. I don't want them to hurt anyone else.

Now if we could just get the rest of the world onboard with this plan, we'd be all set.

Yeah, so I'm still waiting for the words on this one. Luckily, Patti Digh (of 37 Days) has been much more articulate on the subject, so please allow me to quote her:

Perhaps I can't change the world. But I can damn sure raise two children who will know what it means to consider every person they meet to be as fully, beautifully human as they are.

The Fanciest Tasting Menu Race

2010-09-30T16:20:00.009-05:00

"It's not death, it's just cake" is my new motto.

If you haven't been watching "Top Chef: Just Desserts," you've been missing out. Probably lots of people say it's not as interesting as the original Top Chef because it's all one general idea (Make a fantastic dessert...GO!), but those people must not have enough cake, ice cream, or salted caramel in their lives. I love it. Plus, it's fun to see how weird pastry chefs apparently are...I mean, Seth is making Marcel look almost suave. (P.S. Am I going to have to wait for the reunion to find out how Heather gashed her forehead open?)

If you've missed Just Desserts until now, the good news is that you've still got lots of season left. The same is not true if you missed "The Great Food Truck Race," which I really think was the most under-publicized and under-rated food show of the summer. (I say that having no idea how it was publicized or received by critics.)

With the premise being simply that six food trucks were going to drive around the country trying to outsell each other - and with the host being everyone's favorite Applebee's chef Tyler Florence - there was a high risk of failure for The Food Truck Race. But fail, it did not.

Sure, it might have been even more fun if they'd made the teams solve clues to figure out where to go and what to do, but as it was, the way they'd make them drive to some new city and then set them loose to figure out how to get their ingredients and where to park their trucks and how to make the most money, was awesome. The lack of strict rules was pretty refreshing, as most reality shows pretty much control everything so tightly that contestants rarely have room to show how they got good at what they do in the first place. But alas, it's over. All I can do is hope for a season 2...and watch "The Amazing Race," which finally started its new season on Sunday!

I love treasure hunts. I love clues. I love travel. The Amazing Race is all of that, plus reality television drama. And I'm happy to see that they're bringing back the requirement that contestants have a tiny bit of common sense in order to solve some of their clues. If you've ever watched the early seasons (they are now in season 17!), they used to make the clues kinda hard. Then it got dumbed down to the point that no one really had to figure anything out, they just went where the next card told them to go...which, I should add, did not stop me from watching the show, but I like it better when there's more room for error.

While I don't particularly fantasize about being a contestant on The Amazing Race due to all of the surprise bungee-jumping and bug eating, I do fantasize about running around the world solving clues and traveling for free...maybe with more happiness and fun and less fear and injury.

But as soon as the Top Chef producers get together with The Amazing Race producers to create some sort of competition involving racing around the world to eat gourmet food, I'm totally in.

Sick

2010-09-23T18:59:00.004-05:00

We are all sick here. Actually, my husband is not sick, but I attribute that to him rarely being here now that he is actually opening his improv theater.

I, on the other hand, estimate that I spend an average of 23 hours per day in my house, which gives me ample opportunity to soak up all the germs that my children thoughtfully bring home with them from school. Ew. Really, I'm not that sick. I'm more an annoying type of sick - the kind where your nose runs and you feel generally worn out and somewhat light-headed when you talk too much. I think Owen is there with me. Aidan, on the other hand, has an upper respiratory infection.

We kept him home all week and then today I really thought he could go back to school (and he wanted to), but, of course, I got the dreaded call from the school nurse where she makes you feel like you should be ashamed of yourself for even considering sending your child to school in his condition. The cherry on top was the way that, on our way out, she reminded me that he couldn't come back to school tomorrow, either, due to his fever (which I SWEAR he didn't have when sent him to school). Ah well...it probably sucks to be a school nurse.

I suppose it all worked out because thanks to the nurse's insistence that we should really bring him to the doctor because he could be developing pneumonia (due to my negligence, I'm sure), we found out he doesn't actually have the flu (or pneumonia), but an upper respiratory infection, which can be treated with antibiotics.

Cross your fingers that we're all recovered enough to walk the Walk Now for Autism Speaks on Saturday because not only do we have the cutest shirts in all the land, but Team Owen met its $1000 goal! Many thanks to everyone who contributed!

I'm going to let you in on a little secret: I started this post intending to talk to you about television because I am so thrilled with the onslaught of season premieres. My brain went another direction (which part of my body was thinking about TV?). That means I will have to save my praise for Just Desserts and anticipation for The Amazing Race for another post...get excited.

Support Team Owen!

2010-09-19T08:16:00.004-05:00

Although I've neglected to mention it here until now, I'm raising money for the Minneapolis Walk Now for Autism Speaks. We're walking as Team Owen.

I've participated in the virtual walk and also raised money for one of the walks in previous years, but never actually walked it, so I'm excited to get out and physically show my support.

Plus, I'd like to think that it could be enlightening for my boys to get a feel for how many people have or are affected by autism. Probably Aidan, especially, would be happy to know that there are legions of siblings who are equally annoyed by their brother or sister's insistence on rigidity and tendency to space out.

I'm hoping that we'll meet our goal of raising $1000 by Saturday. I know that it's a drop in the bucket when it comes to all the research that needs to be done and all the kids who need help, but it feels like a good solid contribution at least. Autism Speaks is important for a lot of reasons, but there are two big ones that makes me grateful for them.

First, they have been instrumental in raising awareness of autism and of spreading the truth about this disorder in the face of so many lies and misrepresentations. As the mother of a little boy who will probably have to deal with this disorder for his entire life, it's important to me that more people - that everyone - understand what autism is and what it isn't, and that he receives the support and the understanding he deserves.

Second, Autism Speaks funds research. Let's all remember that we don't even know where this disorder comes from. Why Owen? He deserves to know. I'm not a scientist, but it seems to me that once we can figure out what the hell is causing it, we'd have a much better chance of figuring out how to treat it. That's not to say that we haven't come a long way in developing treatments (we have), but we haven't cured it. We haven't even slowed it down. That's not okay with me. I want the scientists to have as much money as they need to figure this thing out.

And so, we will be walking next weekend in support of our Owen and the amazing work that Autism Speaks does on behalf of people with autism. If you can spare $20 (or more), please consider supporting us. Thank you.

Race Day!

2010-09-12T16:07:00.006-05:00

I competed in my third annual Great Urban Race Minneapolis yesterday! As you might recall, this was my second GUR this year - my husband and I took on Chicago just two short months ago.

For the Minneapolis race, I reunited with BFF Gretchen for our second run as "Communication Breakdown." Along with help from BFF Rachel, who played the role of Google lifeline, we rocked it.

We had every clue solved within the first 20 minutes....unfortunately, none of the clues were especially difficult. Now, I could say that the Minneapolis race probably just seemed easy in comparison to the Chicago race, which was a challenge given that we don't live there and the city is huge. Except, Gretchen wasn't with me in Chicago and she thought it was easy, too. I'd be surprised if anyone who spends even a little time in downtown or Uptown Minneapolis would say that the clues were hard.

So now you're thinking, Well, if it was so easy, you won then, right? Um...no. Solving the clues is a relatively small portion of the race. Then you have to go to all 11 locations, perform whatever task is demanded of you, and get yourself back to the finish line, all using public transportation. None of the tasks were hard, but we did travel a good 10+ miles, much it on foot.

We got off to a really strong start, knocking out the first five locations in under an hour - and I think we actually sprinted from place to place. Then the tedious bus ride to Uptown slowed us down a bit and, after completing two more tasks, we made a pit stop. There was a moment where I think we considered pressing on minus a cool, refreshing adult beverage, but then we remembered that 1) that wouldn't be as fun and 2) we still weren't going to win.

And so, drinks were had. I think we made a good choice. If the GUR ever turns into being all about the competition for me, I don't think I want to do it anymore. (But, side note: the winners came in at 1 hour 55 minutes, so we actually probably had a fighting change to make the top 25 were it not for that pit stop. As it stands, we're crossing our fingers that we finally made the top 100.)

Anyway, it was very fun day. I recommend the race to anyone (assuming you like to have fun). And even though I think the clues could have been harder, I'm definitely still in again for next year, because, you know what they say...

A day spent solving clues and running around like an idiot is a day well spent, indeed.